scmoore

I'm not an expert on Stoicism, having read just a little bit about it. I do find it provides a helpful framework for developing and maintaining a bit of perspective, and in reducing anxiety, both of which I've always struggled with.

For example, in the context of HN: although I often find the content here inspiring, it can also be intimidating and discouraging. When I read about software engineers making $200k+, five times what I make, it makes me feel as though I've failed, or that I'm not cut out for the profession. Similarly, when I see the amazing projects, startups, and other technical achievements here, I often feel discouraged because I don't feel like I'll ever achieve that.

Stoicism focuses on what you have, not what you want. Negative visualization teaches us to appreciate the present: What if I lost the job I have? What if I lost my wife, my family? What if I'm badly injured and can't work at all? In that context, I can appreciate my job, even if it's not as good a job as I want. After all, I get paid enough to cover my bills, to sit in a squishy chair and think and solve puzzles. This helps relieve the anxiety I generate by foolishly measuring my self-worth by the yardstick of others' achievements. Ironically, this doesn't rob me of my ambition to improve my lot. Instead, I find that when I am calm and content, I have the energy and focus to do the studying and practice that I believe are necessary to do so. And most importantly: in the meantime, I've given myself permission to be happy today, not on the day in the future when I reach the ever-moving goalposts. Just as you would "bus-proof" a software development effort, you'll benefit from bus-proofing your happiness by appreciating what you have today.

I am learning to cook. I also work on bicycles for myself, friends and family (I used to be a bicycle mechanic.)

Location: Richmond, VA, moving to Denver, CO this summer

Remote: No

Willing to relocate: To Denver, CO

Technologies: PHP, JS, HTML/CSS, MySQL, now picking up Ruby/Rails

Résumé/CV: https://www.linkedin.com/pub/scott-moore/13/534/277

Email: scott.chandler.moore@gmail.com

I'm in an almost identical situation. calcsam is correct. Leave, don't put it on your resume, don't lie about it, find another job where you'll be challenged. That's what I'm doing. My rationale is that it's very difficult to fight organizational inertia from the bottom, so instead find an organization that's moving in the direction you want your career to move in.

The market is in our favor right now and my suggestion would be to take advantage of that to build up some 'career capital' (and hopefully some cash money capital) to see you through whatever's coming next.

BTW 'career capital' is a phrase I lifted from Cal Newport's "So Good They Can't Ignore You", which was an interesting read regarding passion and career development. I'd recommend it, it's pretty light reading.

You may not have the time to do this, but I credit a lot of what social grace I have to working a retail job during and after college. I wasn't much of a partier in my teenage years either, but I can talk to a pretty broad range of people, because for years my boss was whoever walked in the front door. Maybe you could spend some time in a similar setting, even just an hour or two of volunteering at some public-facing event. Registration booth for a marathon, anything really. In that kind of scenario, it's like training wheels for empathy: you already know, roughly, what the other party wants (to register for the marathon), so it'll take that burden off and give you a chance to study the minor details of body language, small talk, all that sort of fun schmoozy stuff. And you can't really fail, as long as the runner gets her number and cheap t-shirt.

In contrast, in a social setting, those sorts of hard-to-quantify details are basically all that's going on, which I think makes it harder to focus. After all why does anyone go to a party? Those motivations are really vague, and maybe the people at the party don't even know what they are. Trying to understand how that works is building on quicksand.

To try to answer some specifics: Bill Gates has a weird life, unlike most of us. I've worked with other people who started successful companies straight out of school, and they were unapproachable too, perhaps because they'd never had a boss. They weren't good at math either. As far as enunciation, volume, thinking of the next sentence: I think the suggestions to try Toastmasters could be a great answer there.

So I guess my suggestion is: empathy is what makes people approachable, so find an environment like sales or service, where empathy is tightly tied to the goal, as a place to practice it. The books like Dale Carnegie definitely help, but practice makes perfect.

Good luck!

If you'll pardon my diagnosing you over the internet, you sound very depressed. I've been there and it's difficult to deal with, but not impossible.

For one thing, you've got to take a step back and realize that you're distorting things quite a bit. For example -- "I have to lie ... to sell myself". You need to focus on your strengths, for sure, in an interview -- everyone does. But that's not the same as lying, and thinking of it that way is turning it into an all-or-nothing proposition. Either you are a perfect, all-knowing software deity, or you are a liar pretending to be competent while hoping not to be discovered. These kinds of all-or-nothing scenarios, and other distortions, are very easy to fall into when you're depressed. Or so I've read, and confirmed in myself and others diagnosed with depression.

In any case I would suggest that your first step (as in, today) be to hunt up a therapist or psychiatrist. After all what is there to lose by doing so? It's a challenge in and of itself, so you might mentally make room for the possibility that it might take a few tries to find someone who gets you. Also http://devpressed.com/ might be worth a look. But this thread, and that site, should be in addition to talking to a mental health professional. I'm not a doctor, I think you should talk to one.

Good luck, and if you want to talk, email me (in profile).

EDIT: I see xaa has also recommended you talk to a professional. I'll echo some of their advice, particularly that part of the challenge is the same as most doctors -- you're going to have to be the expert on your own case. That doesn't mean you have to do everything alone, but you have to recognize that they're going to stick with a standard playbook, and you'll need to advocate for yourself and work to discover what works for you and what doesn't. Also agree that therapy/psychiatry isn't a cure -- it's a mental tool box. But it can be a very powerful one. Best of luck!

Location: Denver or Boulder, CO

Remote: yes

Willing to relocate: Yes

Technologies: PHP, JS, HTML, CSS, Git

Resume: scottcmoore.com/resume

Email: scott.chandler.moore@gmail.com

2 years of experience. Looking for junior-level web application development work in the Denver area.

This reminds me of Derek Sivers' album recommendations for CD Baby:

http://sivers.org/hi

Basically Sivers just listened to every album and did the same thing, and when he couldn't get to all of them he hired someone to do it full time.

How many hours of new programming do they add a day? How many people would it take?

I wonder a lot of the same things. I just started picking up CF since that's what we use at work. I consider it a character-building exercise but I don't hold out hope that knowing it will bring me enjoyable work in the future.

It seems a lot like PHP in some respects -- there's a lot of hacky CF code out there from the dark ages of web development, so maybe folks are just judging the language by that. Or maybe it's the Adobe association. They've got kind of an evil-empire vibe that I can't quite articulate (and could be imagining).

In 20 years, maybe CFML devs will be like those mythological COBOL folks who got lured out of retirement with huge contracts to prop up awful old enterprise systems once the kiddies stopped learning it.

I think this is good advice, but I worry about wasting the interviewing companys' time. Of course in my experience they rarely worry about wasting my time, but I guess I'd be concerned about becoming known as someone whose interest in a position isn't trusted.

I suspect that this is my inner Cinderella -- be humble, scrub the floors, and one day my hiring manager will come. I feel like that princess is really hurting my bank account.

It's probably impossible to prevent this. The chances of getting in trouble for not cleaning the room (sign or not) are probably higher than the chances of getting in trouble for ignoring the sign.

I live about a mile from work, so:

20 minutes on foot

5 minutes by bike

5 minutes by car

I'd say I walk about 90% of the time. I don't think your commute is unusual for the US, which is where I am, but I'd definitely be unhappy with it.

I hope I'm not stuck, but after a few months not working and an expensive cross-country move, I ended up taking a job working at a university with an old, messy codebase. It's really low-pressure, and if it turns into full-time the benefits would good. It pays just enough, but nothing like people are getting in SV right now. I'd rather do something more cutting-edge and more challenging, and I'd rather be around people who are a little more driven. However I've got the syndrome real good, I feel like "all those people with jobs I want are pro programmers who go write big, beautifully structured, complex software on the weekends for fun; I'm just a guy who knows some scripting stuff that can muddle through some bug fixes." So my plan is... work through some of the interview books, and try to find a personal project that's interesting enough to pursue. I have a hard time motivating to actually write software for myself, rather than for an employer.

I'm a week into a ColdFusion job (also in VA) and this is a little unsettling -- pretty sure I'll want to leave this stuff behind me when I move on.

I just want to say thanks for the advice & support in this thread -- I'm meeting with my boss next week and will hopefully get started on implementing these improvements.

Thanks, these are all good points!

Thanks, I'm afraid changing jobs is the answer.

Unfortunately I just moved _back_ from the SV area, my wife didn't like being so far from family. A startup sounds interesting though. I'm still pretty vague on what I want -- I've only worked (as a developer) for one other company. I guess the standard advice is to do a lot of side projects to find out what's interesting, but I've had a hard time motivating myself to write code outside of work.

Thanks, I'll check it out.

I think 4 semesters is a good estimate. I get the impression that department won't grow quickly.

Location: Richmond, VA

Remote: Yes

Willing to relocate: No

Technologies: PHP, JS, HTML, CSS, Git

Resume: scottcmoore.com/resume

Email: scott.chandler.moore@gmail.com

Looking for employment hopefully doing backend web application development (in any language) but open to all kinds of challenging work.

My housemate pointed out that the Hario grinder has the same threads as a mason jar, so chipped glass might not be a big deal. But damaging the burrs probably means buying a new grinder.

Location: Philadelphia, PA

Remote: yes

Willing to relocate: No

Technologies: PHP, JS, Ruby, HTML, CSS, Git

Resume: scottcmoore.com/resume

Email: scott.chandler.moore@gmail.com

Moving to Philly area in 6 weeks. Looking for employment hopefully doing backend web application development but open to all kinds of challenging work!