Wow, this hits close. When I was managing teams, I put a lot of effort into making deadlines clear, measurable, fair, etc. I personally use Deadlines for everything, maybe is the ADHD coping I have the reason I like dates a lot, but is not the same when I work with others in a team
I thought I was helping my team with structure, clarity, direction. But looking back, even though we all wanted to do good work and move forward, and genuinely care about each other, something always felt off. There was this tension around "dates". I felt it. The team felt it. And we quietly resent them
Years later, I stop managing and become part of a team again, and I saw another manager approach deadlines totally differently. She talked about deadlines as "things that happen" you wanted or not, almost like happy accidents. The real focus was on creating an effect. That shift in language unlocked something for me. Deadlines became markers to check if we were moving forward, making the impact we wanted, not pursuing goals. That change made everything feel sane and more honest, and give more room to be ambitious. The day to day was the same but different, we checked whether what we were doing was aligned, and deadlines where just times to "measure" how things were going, so deadlines was something we wait for, and they were easier to negotiate, because if you have the effect or goal in mind, you move deadlines to match the outcomes we wanted, and not just avoid the deadline themselves
It's not directly on the post, but the idea is similar: it's better to use deadlines as measurement tools rather than a time to do judgment. Better to build trust through alignment and purpose.