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Of course, each person and couple is different and the reasoning behind the difficulty of a successful implantation will differ.

IVF and IUI (and now, IVM) treatment cycles are largely handled by private clinics that receive funding from provincial governments and, by extension, federal. Even with first-class health insurance, from employers, and government grants (paid to the doctors) there are out-of-pocket costs (ex., vitamins, supplements, missed work time, medications, genetic testing, sperm washing...). In our case, after multiple years, our health insurance coverage has dried-up (~30,000 CAD) and our lifetime grant eligibility for IVF (one treatment cycle) has finished. We could have easily exhausted our financial resources, (ex., investments, pensions, re-mortgage, lines-of-credit...), but with less chance to conceive daily, it's a race of diminishing biology. The opportunity to conceive a healthy child has been erased by time.

This added to the emotional and social costs of not being able to have a child. In my field, I find colleagues to be judgmental of working adults without children. As if having a child of your own gives you this magical insight into working with children that childless adults do not posses. I've started answered the question: "Do you have kids?" by saying, "Not by my own choice." This hopefully communicates that I've tried, but at a certain point a decision had to be made about whether to continue.

My spouse has taken all of the physical toll of the treatments. The male's job is to provide a sample, see their doctor, and sign the paperwork. By contrast, my wife has had early morning or lunchtime appointments (in an effort to not miss work) 3-4 times per week during certain monitoring or pre-proceedure periods. She has been subjected to blood testing, hormone therapy, daily injections, invasive ultrasounds, bruising, repeated pharmacy trips. All this in addition to phone-calls to remind staff at our clinic what the doctor recommended or asking the clinic reception for confirmation of a certain prescription or guideline. Of course, she undertook all of these responsibilities while internalizing the trauma of our familial reality.

My partner is strong, resilient, and beautiful. I owe her more grace and more appreciation than I can ever give.

My daily reminder to myself is to remember that my partner are I are already a family. Our commitment to one another has not changed. Although our lives may look differently then we may have imagined, it will not be any less meaningful.

Thank you.

In Canada, provincial healthcare and private insurers have not kept pace with the needs and advancements in the areas of alternative methods of conception (IUI, IVF...). Yes, a naturally born baby wouldn't cost the parent(s) much medically. But, if you cannot have a child naturally, medication and procedures (lab testing, blood testing, artificial insemination...) are only partially covered and the amount corporate or union-backed insurers will pay varies widly by doctor and by patient. A couple struggling to conceive will easily pay 15-40K per child after the first procedure.

Funnily enough, friends who have jobs in the USA, but live in Canada often have better insurance that fully covers all of the costs after the deductible. It ends up costing much less to have IUI or IVF procedures with Canadian doctors using American insurers (of course they will take the money).

Am I happy? I spent my young adult years hoping that happiness would arrive after finishing university, buying a new car, supporting myself financially, starting a career, getting married… it’s less of a “moving goal-post problem” and more a existential “what’s the larger point to life” and “what impact do I actually want to make”.

Having happiness as this ever elusive goal was more an errant wish than something measurably achievable.

I probably should use navidrome or a similar technology to serve the files. I already do this for audiobooks and podcasts and use Tailscale to access it when I'm not on my local network.

At the time, some people recommended buying an Occulus device and calling their support because they were able to recover accounts and they had human support. We tried appealing to the company on social media, but we didn't have any luck.

I had to rebuild my social media profile and our organizations profiles and I lost 14 years of Messenger conversations, posts, and photos. These memories were just gone. It sucked. For the non-profit, it meant lost donations and lost connections for our alumni. Keep your own content off-platform.