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I have a stupid question: what do I actually need to do to be registered? Like, am I going to be driving somewhere to have a needle stuck in one of my bones, or do they just draw blood, or do I just... give someone my name?

I'd totally do this if it was laid out in a super simple way, and wasn't going to cause me significant long term harm, pain, or risk thereof.

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at least in germany you have to go no where. You just register online at DKMS and they will send you a Q-tip to collect a bit Saliva of yours which you send back (free shipping). So it's no work or costs at all

The registration is a series of questions and inner cheek swabs!

In Australia it's a little different as they don't do a cheek swab. You register via a Red Cross blood service donor centre. It involves taking a small sample of blood - if you're donating blood at the same time then they just take it at the start of the donation (no additional needle required).

Good luck. I really hope a match is found for you.

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