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Comment by anon3_ | Hacker News Reader

Online dating is elance of romance. It's a race to the bottom.

"Myspace, Match, eHarmony, CL… they all suck for the elegantly simple reason that online there are too many indiscriminate horny men and too few cute girls. The dynamics are totally in the woman’s favor, ridiculously so in that it encourages massive self-assessment inflation that will carry over into real life social interactions, guaranteeing disappointment."

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2007/09/12/online-dating-is-f... is an interesting article on online dating.

A great youtube video on why online dating doesn't work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe5_JK_LcEI

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To me, that article feels incredibly negative, sexist, and rooted on a men-women dynamic that assumes women are things to be conquered.

Then again, I don't know what I was expecting from a website that gives "Alpha assessments" regarding "women you are attempting to bed" and whose top post is "How to get a girl to send nudes of herself".

It's not just you that feels that way. That article is just a torrent of misogynist screed.

For example: "It’s no surprise that the virtual world warehouses sexual rejects who couldn’t cut it in public where their ugliness means they’re not even in the running. BBWs, BBBWs, BBBBBBBBBBBBWs… you’ll find them all online, beached like a herd of walrus." Or later, "Fatties – The internet is great for banging fatties."

> It's not just you that feels that way. That article is just a torrent of misogynist screed.

The article discusses lopsidedness of online dating and how it disproportionately favors women.

Misogyny and a belief that women are favored aren't incompatible. If anything, they're compatible beliefs.

Antisemitism, for instance, doesn't often hold that Jews are worthless, poor, and incompetent. It tends to hold that Jews are rich and powerful and can do whatever they want thanks to their worldwide conspiracy. The antisemite usually thinks that the world disproportionately favors Jews.

> Misogyny and a belief that women are favored aren't incompatible. If anything, they're compatible beliefs.

How is dating websites being lopsided in favor of women misogyny?

The systemic use of the blanket term of misogyny in these cases seems more like misandry, to be fair.

Why not stay on the point? You can't control of tone of Heartiste. He has the right to express his opinions, don't you think?

Why did you delete your earlier comment?

> How is dating websites being lopsided in favor of women misogyny?

I did not claim that.

> The systemic use of the blanket term of misogyny in these cases seems more like misandry, to be fair.

Why?

> Why not stay on the point?

What is the point? I thought you were implying that the author believing that women were favored by dating websites was a counter to the claim that the site was a torrent of misogynistic screed. If so, I refuted that. If not, you were unclear, but if you wish to be clear about your point, I am happy to stay on it.

> You can't control of tone of Heartiste. He has the right to express his opinions, don't you think?

Absolutely, and I have the right to express opinions about his expression of his opinions. Free speech is truly a wonderful thing!

> I did not claim that.

See the subject of my thread for context.

> What is the point?

Lopsided proportions on dating websites.

You're spot. Chateau Heartise is a popular blog in the ["manosphere"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manosphere).

Well yes. Heartiste is a pick-up artist. He's basically built a blog (and possibly a career) around dating advice that's negative, sexist, and treats women as things to be conquered. When you read articles from PUAs like that one, it's worth bearing in mind that they're basically trying to sell you their own even scummier alternative to online dating.

Sure. Roissy is incendiary. So is Roosh.

I do find them a bit toxic because of the negativity. It's a phase many guys go through when they break the social conditioning of the feminine imperative.

Rollo Tomassi is far more gentle, for those who haven't heard of him (www.therationalmale.com)

I think it's also a place where men can boost their self esteem. I think it's the antithesis of seduction. It's just way too efficient and not serendipitous enough. Sure, you can say swiping on someone allows you to interact with way more people than you could ever interact with in person. The thing that's lost is that random look in the middle of the street, coffee shop, or party where you exchange glances with a stranger and wonder for a second if the attraction is mutual. Then you put yourself out there without knowing what the response would be because you don't know if the person is looking for a tryst or romance. On tinder, you can assume they're already open to at least some flirting. If not, no big deal -- you never even looked the person in the eyes.

Solution: market the site primarily to women. Screen the hordes of men who will surely follow thoroughly and only admit the best.

These exist, but the criteria most desired is apparently wealth. Date a millionaire dot com and such.

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