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Comment by davemel37 | Hacker News Reader

> Never tell the employees how YOU feel. No one cares.

This is really important advice. Telling them how you feel trivializes their loss and pain. It is also extremely selfish, because it has nothing to do with making their situation better it has to do with you trying to selfishly overcome your own guilt. Only a jerk would do that when someone just got fired.

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I think it's okay to express gratitude. And other feelings, maybe. It just depends on how it's said, and whether you're self-centered about it or empathetic. It's like breaking up with someone. If an employee says that they enjoyed working with you and they're going to miss you, it's totally appropriate to respond in kind. Just don't whinge and draw all the attention to yourself.

I understood this to be referring to saying something like, "I feel really bad about having to let you go..." or something to that effect.

It's fine to express how you feel about them and working together, but not how you feel about firing them.

In general I believe that there are no hard and fast rules about the expression of feelings in life. I agree that going on about all the emotional agony you went through to make the decision is worse than useless, but expressions of remorse like "I'm sorry it didn't work out" are totally fine in my opinion. A statement like "It's not personal, we had to make a business decision, and it wasn't easy." also communicates that the employee is not totally expendable, if that happens to be true, while also communicating personal concern.

If you're laying off the worst performs, as you should be, then it is personal.

By personal I meant for reasons not related to one's ability or importance to the company, such as being unlikable. Firing the worst performs is for professional reasons, not personal ones.

This is good advice and continues to apply to the meeting/discussion with those NOT getting laid off. There is simply no way for you to pass on how bad you feel and have it come off well. I recall vividly a VP going on and on about how hard the day had been for him, and just thinking, man, keep digging yourself in deeper... it hurt to watch and I never regained respect.

In addition, don't complain about anything either. I once got laid off (without the manager being direct), and the manager complained about his email going to blow up as a result of a touchy situation. Once I figured out what happened, I lost a massive amount of respect - anyone who is going to complain about something small when letting someone go does not deserve to be a manager. Such a drastic lack of empathy or awareness of the situation shows a profound lack of leadership skills from the selfishness.

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