How not to ask a woman to join your team | Hacker News Reader

How not to ask a woman to join your team

16 pointskrysiarose14 comments

A friend of mine who works in tech just messaged me to ask if I would join his new startup. Why did he want me in particular? Answer: He really needed a woman on his team.

He actually wrote this in his exec summary: "Questions: Do we need a woman on the exec team? I don't know if this is required but I think it would be extremely helpful both for fundraising as well as getting authenticity with parents."

If this doesn't offend you, you are the problem. Never ask anyone to join your team this way. I will go out on a limb (as a white cisfemale) and say you probably also should never say, "Will you join my team? I really need a black guy for authenticity."

View on HN

This doesn't offend me, as it had literally nothing to do with me and I am not in the habit of being offended in any case. I refuse to accept responsibility for being "the problem" just because you want to federate your annoyance.

It should offend you because that statement is suggesting that your utility and your worth is merely a function of your gender, not because of your skill. That the only value a woman brings in this case is "fundraising as well as getting authenticity with parents" - not their skill or any perspective that you wouldn't have.

It is this kind of "not my fault" attitude that slows down progress in gender equality.

Would it offend you if someone asked your daughter, sister, mother, wife or girlfriend to join their team not because of their qualifications, schooling, work experience, etc. but just because they had a vagina?

Maybe they could have tried "We're looking for more diversity of viewpoints and experiences on our team, and we think you would bring those, plus your skill and experience as an [insert job title here]."

While this company sounds like it is just trying to check a box, I am curious what good ways there are to ask this? I believe some number of (most?) companies may need a female/black/etc... perspective to understand their customers better.

This leaves you in the position where you are looking to hire based on gender/race/etc...

Any ideas on how to do that? Perhaps saying that you value their non-work experience?

There is no such thing as the "female" or "black" perspective. If you want to hire someone from a background that is different than yours, that's great. But make sure to tell them you are interested in them because they are the best person for the job, not just because they happen to be a different gender or race.

What do you really want? You want the best people you can get.

If women are under-represented in tech, there should be better women available than men. If you can find them and hire them, you can get an edge on your competition, not because they're female, but because they're better. That's worth some effort.

But the mindset should be in trying to find the best people, and suspecting that some of the best people are in under-represented groups, and therefore spending more effort looking at under-represented groups, rather than in "we have to hire an X for balance/diversity".

I suppose that there can be an argument made that justice demands looking harder at under-represented groups, but greed is a more consistent motivator. There are good people in the under-represented groups. Find them and use them to stomp on your competitors who won't look at those groups.

Did you at least let them know you saw this in the executive summary?

I'd reply "sure, I'll be your token female for 25% of the company and {10x normal salary}. Let's do this."

If they're going to be that stupid, maybe they'll accept those terms.

The left wants you to add women to your team for the sake of adding women to your team, but they don't want you to _say_ that you're adding women to your team for the sake of adding women to your team.

The left wants you to add women to your team to make the world a better place.

So is it OK to say, "We want you to join our team to make the world a better place"? I think not.

Ever since I was a kid I tended to hang out with the girls in the neighborhood; I enjoy female company. But hiring should be about fairness. If you tend to hire from the top 25% of the Stanford or Berkeley graduating classes and those sets are 30% female, then by golly, why aren't 30% of your hires female? But if that's not the case, and you're giving more slots to women than there are precentage-wise in the pool of candidates, you're treating someone unfairly who has worked very hard to get where he is.

Tell al the VCs that he said that.

I expect that Ann Winblad and Heidi Roizen would be interested in funding his company.

Sorry, I'm not going to be offended on your behalf. I support your message, I understand that it can be offensive, and would never do this but asking people to be offended because you are offended is just ridiculous.

Why so?

I myself have devoted decades to asking people to be offended at the same things I am. My essays are very popular, and have made a real difference.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com