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...and then I discovered Haskell.

Haskell? Bah, just text, same as all the others. Piet is actually different: http://www.dangermouse.net/esoteric/piet.html

...Until I found out that Haskell is just a fancy C for-loop generator.

GHC is considerably more sophisticated than that. It can do weird and wonderful things C programmers might only dream of.

Considering GHC is still implemented in C I would consider this not true. Impractical: probably. Impossibru: No.

I'd hardly call 81% Haskell "implemented in C".