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Comment by cristianpascu | Hacker News Reader

I am playful (although being a programmer, that sucks much of time and attention) but still have the authority. I don't think they're dirrectly relate. It's much more about how far you go in both directions, at different times. Authority is lost in inconsistency. Now we're the best of pals, and next I yell at him for being such and such. It's important for my son (12yo) to be aware that although I play and say jokes, I am still his father. And although I say no to things like games (when I find it appropriate), I am still his friend and I do it for his best.

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Your post and the OPs suggest another factor that I have personally observed as being significant: gender.

I am generalizing but father/daughter, as in the OP's case, seems to result in more leeway being given to the child, which can undermine the authority role of the father. Whereas with father/son, it seems that being more stern and authoritative is a natural tendency or, at the very least, the social norm. Same goes for mother/son vs. mother/daughter.

From my one data point of being a father of two girls (3 year old and 1 year old), I disagree. While some not insignificant percentages may line up with the generalization you've outlined, I think that parent/child relationships are more complex and nuanced than that.

In our household, I am the primary disciplinarian, but I have not sacrificed being able to play and be silly with my kids. Another commenter outlined the need for consistency. I wholeheartedly agree and believe that you can be consistent with your kids and still be silly, play and encourage healthy exploration of new challenges.

i agree with jeremya. i have both a son (older) and daughter. my daughter is the one with whom we must be more stern because she is a free-spirited boundary-pusher. our parenting emotions swing the greatest with her as well. however, we also have the most belly-laughs per hour with her. our son is an entertainer, but he's much more of an even personality and is a rule-follower/enforcer.

i dont think that it's simply reducible to gender because there are many other factors at play (birth order, age difference, personality, birth trauma, age/stage of life of both parent and child, etc.). if you can control for all of those other things, then maybe you could test for gender interactions, but then you'd only have data for that set of controls.

Father of an older boy (11), younger girl (8). I do notice that it's "easier" to be stern with my son than my daughter. I have to be stern with both at times, but it takes a bit of extra effort to bring the right attitude with my daughter. I'm conscious of it, and I intellectually know I need to overcome my internal...conditioning?

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