Ask HN: If you've had a kid, what do you wish you'd done differently?
I'm a 37 year old nerd and having my first kid in a few months. I'd love to hear from other fellow nerds what, in retrospect, they wish they had done differently.
I've noticed that a number of health related professions, ranging from dental hygienist and registered nurse up through dermatologist or radiologist, are big winners in terms of "career flexibility." Some of these fields have very high early barriers to entry (radiologist), others have medium-high barriers to entry (nursing isn't a trivial degree program, nor is dental hygiene). However, out in SF, these fields often pay (at the median) as much as or considerably more than software development (again, at the median).
Now that I've gotten older with kid, I place a much higher emphasis on financial and career stability, and time with the family is more important than long hours at the office (or the small possibility of a huge financial score), I really do see vastly greater appeal in these health-related career paths than I did when I was younger. I wouldn't go so far as to say I wish I'd gone into one of these fields (grass is greener etc., and there's a reason I was so interested in computers and math as a young person and continue to be as a middle aged person). I'd just say that becoming a parent who would like a stable income and more time with my kids has helped me understand the desire to go into these fields far more than I used to.
I wish I was more kind and patient and understanding more often. I wish I lived a bit less vicariously. These are the things that will make me a better parent. All the little points on which I can obsess over comparison with other families are a waste of energy; it's not about the relative but the absolute.
Congratulations and good luck.
This is the core of the issue. But its still frustrating to see other children doing the things your child refuses to do or has a meltdown about. Especially simple things that you thought you could take for granted like pushing a baby in a stroller or napping.
She's clearly very smart. She's really good at math (she's in first grade but already has a good grasp of 3rd and even some 4th grade stuff). It took a while but now she's good at reading. She's creative, usually kind to others, VERY social (a challenge for both of us being introverted and shy to an extreme), and doesn't cause trouble anywhere.
However, every conversation with her is a challenge. She's stubborn, sticks to absurd ideas and gets really angry if we try to show her she's wrong. This is contradictory with her ease at math, but she has a hard time following logical things like if A -> B and B -> C, then A -> C, so there are daily verbal arguments with her that are very frustrating. It's practically impossible to have a 5 minute conversation with her without it drifting into nonsense.
Do you notice the same in your "intense"?
Make the best of it as there will be tough days and nights. The first 3-4 months are the most difficult and it gets a bit easier after that. Remember, there is no right or wrong here.