"The point of Metropolis-Hastings is to sample from a distribution when you do not know the partition function." That's one point, yes. The other is optimization. In which case I prefer the others I mentioned.
"they do not seem to have either theoretical justification or empirical success." That's just patently false. They _do_ have empirical success. And besides, a lot of these variants have MH implemented inside of them to some extent o.o
"MH is embarrassingly parallel since you run multiple chains at the same time." I can make six single grilled cheese sandwiches in 2 minutes, but it takes me 8 minutes to make a 6-decker grilled cheese. Is that a parallel process?
"Being 100 years old is also largely irrelevant." In my opinion it is relevant since computation can now be done in completely new ways than 100 years ago.