Ask HN: How to Properly Decline a Job Offer | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How to Properly Decline a Job Offer

9 pointsnoxToken11 comments

As a recent college graduate, I've been interviewing my butt off for entry level positions. I've gotten the typical overlap at the end of the interview circuit with 3 companies extending offers. I declined an offer from one of them this morning. The tech lead that I spoke with was furious.

I'm not sure if it was something that I did incorrectly or if he took my declination personally. I intended to send an email to their hiring manager yesterday, but I missed a call from him beforehand. We agreed on talking this morning via email, and he told me one of their senior devs (one who I've met with twice) would be in contact.

The dev called. When he asked about the position, I told him that I am declining their offer with my reasons. Before he could speak, I made sure that I thanked him for the opportunity, and I let him know I thoroughly enjoyed meeting with their staff. They really are nice people. That was met with a brief moment of silence. I waited. He then hurriedly replied, "OK thank you, [noxToken], bye," and promptly hung up.

Did I do something wrong?

No. That was great. They apparently are not as nice as you thought they were.

A considerate dev would say: "Well, I have to say, I'm sorry to hear that. It was a pleasure getting to know you and I hope we have the chance to work together in the future. Good luck at [company Y]."

You're probably overthinking this. The dev may not have been particularly invested in your hiring process. You also unloaded your whole spiel at once, thus there wasn't really anywhere else he could take the conversation. You're one candidate out of many, and he might be thinking "well, that was a bust, guess I'll go for my coffee break". Your phone call could be a distraction from his regular routine and he just wants to get it over with.

Just to add on to that, when you get to thanking people for the opportunity, that it was nice to meet them, etc, you're basically giving a social signal that you're ready to disengage. He simply obliged.

That doesn't sound "furious"? Are you sure you resd that correctly?

What you did was fine, although if you knew earlier and had contact details you could have contacted them earlie to let them know.

It's really hard to convey his tone through text. I interviewed with him, and I met with him one other time for a tour. I have a feel for his natural demeanor.

I admit that I could be misreading it. The abruptness and tone, however, made it feel like he was very upset.

The interview process takes resources. They spent money but did not get the commodity (you) they had hoped for. They know that going into the "game".

The fundamental question of every position has three parts: can you do the job, will you do the job, and how well do you fit the position/team/organization -- the fit. This means that the acceptable way to say no is in those terms, or really the third one. Whether the culture is offensive, or there isn't good professional trajectory - it always boils down to not being the best fit. Speaking in those terms allows them to be glad that you declined without you compromising future opportunity.

Note: don't ever burn a bridge. You don't know today what you will consider to be a bridge tomorrow. Don't close and lock a door, just don't walk through it.

>how well do you fit the position/team/organization

This was the reason that I harped on the most. The job descriptions for most of these companies were very similar. The nuances between them are mainly what sold me to the company that I chose. I said to him that I feel that according to the project explanations and job descriptions, I feel that I would be a better fit elsewhere for the time being. I did not want to come off as if I hated or would never work for their company.

Some people need to learn to lose. Negative emotional reaction from their side means just that. When they decline employment to the next applicant - they're not even blinking over thought of hurting person's feelings.

Move on and let them deal with their issues.

Meh, don't worry about it. It sounds like you were polite and professional and didn't try to burn bridges. Just because you're the junior guy doesn't mean you're in the wrong.

If you'd told me you were turning down my position, I'd be happy for you. Partly because I just met you and have nothing (or very little) invested in you, so I just try to be positive and wish everyone the best.

Also because if you'd rather work somewhere else, this wasn't the ideal job for you anyway. I'd be glad you discovered this before being hired, rather than after we'd invested time and effort into you.

No, nothing wrong on your part. You just were exposed to a bit of human nature - most people are only nice to you when they want something from you.

you did nothing wrong. any company that goes into the hiring process knows that their candidates declining an offer is a possibility and as long as you were courteous they should be mature enough to respect your decision and chalk it up to the "process".

in the end they want someone who wants to commit to working there and you want to be in a place where you have no doubts.

So what happened next that made you think the tech lead was furious?

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