Many have made practical, technical recommendations about your computer issues.

But it sounds like stress/panic may be the real issue. (Your concerns and plans are all-over-the-map.)

You should seek someone local and friendly to talk to. They will be better at assessing the whole situation and providing a calm outside perspective. Ideally, this would also be someone who could provide a couch to crash on, if your current rent/residence proves financially unsustainable.

Your health and sanity are your "most urgent debts". Nothing else matters if those aren't in place. You may have to delay or step away from the kind of solo-contracting that's led you to a stressful situation. Taking simpler work, in a larger or more-traditional team/project, may help restore a more balanced outlook.

Good luck. You can survive a lot, if you take things logically, one-at-a-time.