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Comment by danbmil99 | Hacker News Reader

"I won’t be telling her there are bad people out there- "

hmm... We may have to agree to disagree.

Teaching a kid that people (and by implication the kid him/herself) are inherently good/bad (or in any way "fixed") is a really bad idea for a number of reasons. He's trying to keep her mindset growth-oriented.

"There are no neurotics or geniuses or failures or fools. There are only neurotic moments, flashes of brilliance, failed opportunities, and stupid mistakes." -David K. Reynolds

A much better idea is to teach children to read other people's emotional state in the moment; to develop their intuition and teach them to trust it. It's that intuitive ability that will allow the child to escape arbitrary danger and to thrive in general.

As I am learning a new language - this is the type of distinction seems most heavily used in English. The world isn't dualistic.

There aren't good and bad people that wear different jerseys.

There will be some hardcore thug who looks like the scariest dude that will protect your child in an emergency.

There will be some teacher/innocent looking person that wrongs your child in some way.

The rest of the sentence puts it in context and is a position I can respect: "I won’t be telling her there are bad people out there- I will tell her even good people can get sick from things like drugs, depression, or anger, and do bad things. "

Yes, the sentence provides some context that we can agree with, but as another commenter points out, there really are some bad people out there who want nothing more than to hurt people. That's not necessarily a reason to shelter your children, but denying that bad people exist seems to go against the heart of the manifesto.

If a child needs help in public then it makes sense not to be frightened to approach an adult (a mother for preference).

One of the many interesting tidbits in The Gift of Fear (an interesting book, simultaneously a sensational true-crime bestseller and the words of a domain expert):

When you need help, approach someone in a crowd and ask. Don't wait for someone to approach you. The odds that the person you choose to approach is dangerous are pretty low. Whereas the odds are higher that a person who chooses you -- notices a confused person in a crowd, walks right up to them, and offers to help -- is potentially dangerous. That's the stalker strategy.

Corollary: Expect people to be very nervous when you walk up to them in public and ask if they need help. They are going to assume, with justification, that you are more likely to be stalking them than the average passerby.

Agreed, and I think the author is clear that he is teaching his child to understand context to be able to discern things. I just think the line that "everyone is good, they're just caught up in the wrong things" isn't the right way to look at the world.

The claim isn't that all people are good, it's more nuanced than that. Essentially he's saying that some people are dangerous in some situations, and he wants her to learn which situations are dangerous at a young age. I think that's a reasonable point of view.

Everybody has to learn it eventually because the world doesn't get less dangerous as you grow older.

I didn't tell my kids there are bad people in the world who want to do unspeakable things to them. I felt that would rob them of their innocence. Instead, I had a strict rule in my home that all affection had to be by mutual consent and 'no' means 'no'. It was their decision and they didn't need to justify it. If they didn't want a 'goodnight' kiss or hug on a particular night, no big deal. If anyone refused to take 'no' for an answer, they were to come get me. I had to back up this promise only once. My kids extrapolated for themselves that this meant they were entitled to enforce the rules with physical force if necessary when mom was unavailable (ie when they were in public school). I didn't hear such stories until many years later. They never thought it was anything that needed to be mentioned.

In short: If a kid has good boundaries and is empowered to act on their judgment without having to articulate why (which is often difficult even for adults and can be impossible for a kid), the odds are relatively small they will be victimized in some significant way. Even a toddler can decide if they want a goodnight kiss and can signal that by enthusiastically turning towards you and throwing their arms wide open or by turning their face away if the answer is 'no'. Respecting that instinct and cultivating it is tantamount to an invisible shield which will keep out most predators. And it's not just protection against potential sexual predation. It generalizes.

That was the biggest problem I had with this piece. Yes, in fact, there are genuinely evil people in the world. It is certainly possible to be overprotective of a child but this guy seems a little too far to the other extreme.

This guy is not a guy.

So she isn't. I think of Quinn as a male name and did not read her "about" page.

I think the fact that you're pointing out that she is too far to the other extreme, just points out how far paranoic parenting has been socially accepted. I think her stance is very correct, and also I am very grateful that I was able to grow up in a third-world country, which allowed me great freedom. I would never want to raise a child in a place where parents do not let their kids walk to school for example.

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