Don't beat yourself up too much. Diversity means having an honest full-spectrum cohort of people to grow with, not a curated one. If I removed people like you [us] (typically genius+passionate+outspoken+intellectually-arrogant) I would miss you. People might avoid you because they are weak, but you probably help tow the bottom line at fb more than you know.
I've struggled with similar in my career (eng@uber) to a lesser degree and these are some of my findings:
- in terms of long-term survival; friendship, connection and investing in humans brings much more satisfaction than any technical part of my work and will outlast the business every time.
- when I'm arguing a solution or iteration that I've designed, the harder I hold onto that solution the tougher it is to sell.
- every time I instruct an engineer rather than let them figure something out on their own it seems to not go in my favor.
- the best designs and implementations [at scale] in engineering [sadly, for my ego] always seem to require multi-faceted perspectives (a team) to simulate adequately and vet impact (business+social+tech).
- promotion and progression in an organization is a subjective mess, all biased, and largely driven by non-technical markers namely social proof, liking and perception.