I actually had to check whether this paper was for real, because the breathless tone (too! many! exclamation! points!) and unsubstantiated or self-contradictory claims made it look like a blog post in academic-paper disguise. Sadly, it seems to be "for real" in the sense that it was actually presented at a conference. Does anyone happen to know whether EDBT is a serious venue, or just a small group of inbred academics who either want an excuse to hold a conference every year or just don't like the way the world is changing around them? Has anything noteworthy ever come from there?