Ask HN: What advice would you give to your younger self? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: What advice would you give to your younger self?

35 pointshaack72 comments

For all you more experienced awesome people out there, what advice did you wish some one gave you when you were starting out?

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- Work on becoming self-suficient. Don't rely on a job.

- Jobs are just a means to an end. Not the main part of your life.

- Stress is never worth the moments of happiness it creates. Hard work is.

- Put yourself through hell. You will find out who you are and what you want.

- Don't trust the media or mainstream thinking. They're in it for the money.

- Most people are emotional. If you use logic and reason, you will fail miserably.

"- Most people are emotional. If you use logic and reason, you will fail miserably."

Can you explain this one further please?

It is an excellent piece of advice! What I think he means is that most people don't react to what you do but how what you do makes them feel. People that are geared towards logical thinking should run a small emulation inside their head of how their actions would make their loved ones feel in response to their actions or inactions (yeap that last one is more tricky...). It doesn't have to be rational or fair all the time and requires you either are similar to that person so you can predict what they will feel or that you understand that person and can imagine what they would feel.

If you are a logical person and you don't master this then people will think you are inconsiderate and will subconsciously punish you for your lack of empathy...

EDIT: To emulate better the opposite sex seek advice from a completely honest outspoken friend of that sex.

Most of the world makes decisions based on emotions and egos. If you only understand the world in terms of logic then you will fail to make progress with the people that only operate with their emotions. You will pay the price, not them. I would argue it's better to understand the reality that some people only operate in logic, others in emotions and deal with each person at their own level. Assuming everyone keeps their word and follows logic will leave you at 4AM alone in Berlin with nothing more than tube socks and a bag of vomit.

Don't join a frat or sorority in college. I don't care if it's a 'nerdy' or 'good guys' frat at an elite university (my experience), it will be a very dumb time sink, and the networking from it is not worth it when you can get involved in other groups which offer useful connections as well.

And really, really try to become as fiercely independent as possible. Otherwise you almost certainly will start measuring yourself by others' standards, it becomes increasing worse the older you get. (You'd be surprised how common fresh out of college people think "Oh I must get into x,y,z incubator or nail down funding so I don't look like a failure and can still command lots of respect in my social circles and stand out as a 'successful young person' at parties"). It's disgusting at its worst, and it's a sufficient condition for sliding into mediocrity.

As a counter, joining a fraternity was the best decision I had ever made. After my first few years of college, I still had no social network and very few friends. After rushing a fraternity, I became part of an ultra-inclusive group and made friends and bonds that have lasted the rest of my life.

Don't rush a fraternity or sorority for the connections - you'll be sorely disappointed when you find out 95% of the other members are just normal people from a normal background. The few connections that may be valuable business-wise probably won't even be in your field.

Do rush a fraternity/sorority if you're looking to make friends and get the social college experience. If you have a history of having a hard time making friends, there are few options that are better than joining greek org.

Don't rush a fraternity/sorority if you have a tight schedule. Parent comment is serious, they're a huge time sink - especially during your pledging semester.

Do rush a fraternity/sorority if you want a head start in social/management experience. I can't tell you how hard it is to promote engineers into management positions because the vast majority don't have the social skills required to reward, pressure, or inspire their underlings. Getting involved in a fraternal organization will get you extremely valuable leadership experience, experience in how to organize people, and most importantly, experience in how to inspire people to do the things you need to get done.

I honestly can admit that I wouldn't be where I am today without the social skills I learned during my tenure in a fraternity. While the vast majority of bad press about the greek system are puff pieces meant to enrage people, do know that the greek system is not for everyone.

Just to summarize your points as I see them. Only join a fraternity if...

a) You don't have social skills, so you can learn them (even though I think this can be achieved through plenty of other organizations on campus)

b) You aspire to be in management, i.e. not technical trades or career paths that don't require heavy person sacrifice and investment (like STEM or startups... again something that I also think can be achieved in other groups on campus - if even just the 'business fraternity' which a lot of uni's have, which is actually a club and not a 'fraternity').

I am glad however, that joining a fraternity worked out for you. I do also think almost everyone looks favorably on their college experience and have trouble imagining it had they made different choices.

But again, it's a massive time sink, and if there is something you are truly serious, ambitious about pursuing, a fraternity will absolutely work against you. If you just want to have 'a college experience', and if you don't really know what you want to do, then sure, join a fraternity.

(As a final note, the successful people I know from my fraternity are working basically non technical finance jobs (non technical in the sense there aren't heavy prerequisites before you start except be generally good at math) at ibanks or hedge funds that their parents or network got them, basically jobs where you can afford to mess around most of college, so long as you have your connection.)

-Work to live, not live to work.

-Time is your most valuable and most finite resource. Don't waste it on working 24x7 for companies who will take advantage of your desire to do so.

-Ask yourself if what you're doing will matter to anyone in 10 years, 5 years, tomorrow. Especially in a corporate environment.

-Never sacrifice friends or family for work. There will always be work; you will lose (in some way, drifting or death) persons, and regret the couldas.

-There's always a shiny new gadget, and they repeat every decade or so.

-Set aside the computer/smartphone and do something without it a couple of hours a day. Woodworking. Cooking. Trainsets or scale models.

-Exercise a couple of hours a day.

And finally:

-Never, ever move to Des Moines. Unless you're an actuary.

Could you please clarify on the last point?

Romantically, this: http://jakeseliger.com/2014/11/11/getting-good-with-women-an... .

Otherwise, I'd say that you have one life, and that everything important thing anyone has ever done has been accomplished one deliberate decision, and one day, at a time. Today you have a day. What will you do to further your long term goals? What will you do to eliminate or remove distractions? Those are the most important questions you can ask, every day.

>Romantically, this

Thanks for an inspring and helpful read! This actually helps me (a 17 year old) out a lot.

Regarding romance: If you want a wife, make many male friends. Consistently be honourable, selfless, and good. Volunteer for your friends. Go out of your way. The networking effect is subtle, but your name will "spread through the marketplace".

Don't hunt for your spouse as a lone-wolf ...there's nothing that way but isolation.

I agree about marriage, but if you want the experience of dating around, for shorter, medium term relationships, you really have little choice but to hunt as a 'lone wolf.' (You don't want to end up on dates with girls who have 'husband' on the back of their minds, which is often what the settled down social circle delivers... and anyways it can be more rewarding to 'win' someone on your own instead of having them 'delivered' to you.). So seems a little dramatic to say there's only isolation since less committed romantic involvements can be fulfilling too, and some would even argue (thinking "Sex at Dawn" author/ TED talk) that it's what your biology craves.

Thanks a lot. To be honest, I've already went through the "change" described in the article, but the article helped me see the better picture. I now have a reasonable social life and a happy relationship with my girlfriend. Thanks a bunch for your comment and advice, have a nice day!

Google for MGTOW as well. Stay safe!

Thanks! Interesting concept.

Hi, I am you from decades in the future. I have experienced some crazy stuff, highs and lows, and I would like give you the benefit of my wisdom.

I'd like to but I still don't know shit. Just keep doing what you are doing I guess. Maybe eat a little less. I am still struggling to lose all that weight you put on me.

People who don't know you, do not care about what you do. Stop worrying about their opinion. Most people who know you, do care. Show you care for them.

The impostor syndrome is real and you may have it.

Do not take rejection personally.

Never stop cycling.

You always look stupid in hindsight and your current you seems to know everything. This never changes.

> You always look stupid in hindsight and your current you seems to know everything. This never changes.

Wow I faced this many times.I thought this only happened to me.

Thank you for this insight!

What do you mean by "cycling"?

Riding a bicycle. I find cycling very satisfying for all sorts of reasons, and although it can seem easy to compromise on cycling (infrastructure isn't there, car is easier, whatever) it's a joy when it's happening.

Follow-up to that. If you go into cycling do not bother about equipment, but about the cycling.

I rode a bike that I rescued from the dump for over a year. Besides a new chain, tubes and loving maintenance it was a nice solid 70s era bike. I swear it was made out of iron pipe. Oddly, it came with track drop bars.

- Adults lie, or don't understand, or just don't want to deal. You were recommended not to proceed in math beyond Algebra I, even though you'd gotten a B. You (wisely) thought that was bunkum and continued on to Alg II and geometry, number theory, set theory, matrix theory, etc and ended up with a Bachelor's in computer science. Good call.

- That stupid counselor who blithely told you to "be confident"? You had no idea what those words meant, much less how to do it, because you didn't understand how to see the things you learned & accomplished as skills that other people don't have. That seems weirdly egotistical, I know, but confidence is knowing you know how to do stuff, and that knowledge is special.

- Don't stagnate. Past conditions are not an indicator of future conditions.

- Learn how to congratulate yourself and learn to like yourself sooner than I did.

Don't trust advice from rich old white men.

Get investing in Stocks as early as possible with a buy and hold strategy for companies you believe in.

Sex isn't worth the pedestal it's often placed on.

FOMO (Fear of missing out) is a life killer. You'll never be able to do all the cool things all the time.

Find a mentor.

People often talk down on sex, I've noticed. Why is that so? Is it because people can use sex as an excuse to procrastinate?

People often talk down on sex, I've noticed. Why is that so?

I think it varies by age and by forum. Old people are probably less excited about sex than younger ones. In addition, HN and similar forums have a selection bias thing going on; people who really really like sex and have it as a focal point of their lives probably don't spend a lot of time here.

If you spend time here (I think the link is SFW, but if you have a very paranoid work wait): http://www.goodlookingloser.com you'll probably get a different impression.

I've also heard sex compared to water: If you're getting all you want, it's not very important-seeming or noticeable, but if you aren't, it rapidly becomes very important.

(There are of course ways sex isn't like water; you don't need to point them out in the responses.)

I'm not talking down on sex. I'm saying it's not the be all end all. That's what putting something on a pedestal means.

In my particular case it really fucked me up. Raging hormones, poorly socialized, no support network, bad luck, poor communication, and shitty judgement. Yay, puberty.

In general chasing sex for its own sake can be destructive.

That said if you come from an unbroken family, have a network of good relationships, and have learned to have a healthy attitude towards sex... then you're golden.

I think it is because a lot of people waste a lot of time thinking and fantasizing instead of living. And a lot of that thinking, especially recurring thoughts, is sexual in nature.

AND sacrificing time/resources on what should most likely be categorized as entertainment is a bad idea.

It's not really talking down on something to say it shouldn't be placed on a pedestal.

- Eat properly. You will feel and look like shit if you don't.

- Sleep properly. You're gaining nothing by staying up to 4am, for some misplaced fear of missing out.

- You are worth more than you think.

- Surround yourself by people smarter than you. Ask for their help. You will learn more this way.

- Stay curious. If you're convinced that you know it all, you're probably entirely wrong.

1. Don't over-estimate your ability to manage idiots--especially lazy idiots. They don't want to be managed or to improve. 2. Don't loan money to a business partner. 3. You are wrong about many things. Most importantly, you are wrong about how much people value quality vs. price. Your customer is the shopkeep--not the end user. 4. Don't hire inexperienced people. 5. Be more judicious in deciding if something is worth getting upset over. 6. Being a perfectionist will cripple your profits. Just get it done. 7. Be calculated in every decision you make. That's the only way to make money. 8. Focus on consumable goods. Sell razor blades, not razors.

Stop being tyrannized by the fear of being wrong. Read Plato and Plotinus earlier. Try to see the essence of what others are saying, the essence of what you're learning, the essence what you're doing, etc.

Exercise: Don't do things other people tell you to do. Do things you think might be fun. Don't run, don't go to the gym. Sign up for Taekwondo, Pilates, dancing or swimming lessons.

If something is worth doing it's worth doing right: If you really want to learn something spend at least 15 minutes every day studying it. If you can't commit to that, stop wasting your time.

Some university classes are boring but that's not a reason to dismiss them. You never know what knowledge might become useful to you a few years down the road.

You really are good enough to make a living as a programmer.

Trust your own instincts when it comes to new technology.

No one ever had "I wished I'd worked harder" on their gravestone.

Do not read, much less sign up for, Hacker News or Reddit.

I realize this may be in jest, but I personally have learned so much from both sites. I view my time on both sites as quite productive, especially reading threads like these.

There's a lot to learn from both sites, don't get me wrong. The problem is finding the right balance between learning and wasting time, which turns out to be a pretty difficult thing to do once you get sucked in.

- Take your work more seriously

- Don't use your emotions when deciding

- Don't eat that much and make exercising everyday a habit

- Don't listen to that school counselor; never EVER go to public school

- Spend less

- Care less about grades more about work

- Don't move to Kayışdağı

- Leave your parents' house before 18

Not that important but it was an then-expensive lesson:

- Don't buy that Samsung Omnia, get the iPhone

As an American, some of these were difficult for me to relate to.

I'm guessing you are mentioning these points:

- Don't listen to that school counselor; never EVER go to public school

She told me and my family to opt for public school in high school but quality of education was[0] very low and I was already making money as a software developer at that time. Private schools have access; better network for the future and most of them have excellent education.

- Care less about grades more about work

Again, I was in a shitty school that gave me nothing. Working towards a better career would be better choice.

- Leave your parents' house before 18

This is a personal opinion. It was clear that I was going to move to a different city but I've never had to do any chores at home. So, my first year, I failed at some basic tasks in the house since I had no experience. If I was living in a separate house before moving to a different city; somewhere close to my parents, it would've been better.

[0] still very low.

I need to point out that all of these opinions are rare in my country. Combination of a rich family, love for technology, hunger for knowledge and luck is the reason why my opinions are like this.

'That thing you're doing, you're much better at it than you realise'

To which I hope my younger self would retort

'That thing you're doing, you're not half as good at it as you think you are'

Index funds with dividends reinvested. Put more in, sooner.

To self: 1. Read Graham's intelligent investor. 2. Discover the Harry Browne ("Permanent") portfolio sooner ( http://gyroscopicinvesting.com/forum/permanent-portfolio-dis... ). 3. Investigate a brokerage window account through your company's retirement plan earlier. 4. Pay attention to P/E and P/B ratios. 5. Review the holdings of your index funds and consider whether ownership of growth stocks is acceptable to you. 6. Consider investing in value or dividend-growth index funds rather than a generic S&P 500 index.

Making and keeping friends requires effort.

Figure out who you are and why you do what you do, then when you know who you are, stop trying to be anything else.

Listen to your mentors and keep them close at hand. I was lucky to have a number of good ones early in my career. When you have a tough decision to make, seek their advice, don't bear it alone.

When I found myself without a mentor for a period of time, I tended to go astray.

- Do not borrow money, except from your parents.

- Tell your dad to keep those AAPL stocks.

- Never work with Oracle (the company).

Whatever spirit you hold, keep it intact. If you have a broken leg, and the spirit compels you to run, then run. It's better to limp and have a spirit, than to be without pain, without spirit, painless, spiritless.

Meditate 2 hours a day. Be patient and you'll see a dramatic difference.

realize that high school band could teach you everything you need. If you wanted to move up a chair, understand what it takes and master that. When you were set up for a challenge(the method used to move up a chair) you basically looked at all the required music and figured out which was the section the you would have to play. The Challenge was set up so that the instructor would listen to both players play the section selected, from another room, and decide who performed the best. That's how it is in life...and it has worked well for me.

Spend more time with your kids when they are young, even if the activity is a little boring. People, especially your family, matter more than anything else.

Buy lots of MSFT. Borrow money and buy more of it.

If you were here for the MSFT stock, you were also here for the .com registrations, APPL, GOOG and Bitcoin.

If I could go back in time, I wish I could stop procrastination and become better at prioritizing things.

"No, you are really not bad at programming. Give it another go, you can do it."

Avoid failure is imposibble. Try find smart way to failure fast and not hurt too much

Enjoy the every moment of your life...........and reduce the game time

Don't wait.

be patient.

Pursue a career in medicine. That way you can be absolutely sure you're working hard for a reason.

money is an amazing and fun thing to have but the pursuit of it alone is empty. It's so easy to just nod your head at the above statement and agree, deep down believing it's true but that your pursuit is somehow more justified. Don't ever embark on a project because it's "part of an x billion dollar industry", don't ever tell yourself you'll do more of x or y once you "save up and get a bit more padding". Don't rip off someone else's idea because you will never truly understand it the way they do. Don't let a project define your life, you have to be bigger than the project and know that if it fails you will be just fine. Don't ever be the 'idea guy' or 'the money guy' - if you don't fully understand a project and the industry it's in, you're going to get fleeced. If you're really good at X, why would you spend all of your time doing Y? Because Y is a 50 billion dollar industry? lol. This applies to the stock market too - if you're good at code and not so good with securities (impulsive?) - why would you spend so much time researching how to thrive int he stock market? Is it because you truly love the idea of the stock exchange and owning a part of a company as a long term investment - or are you trying to make quick and easy money? What would you think if an expert stock broker came to you with his idea for making an amazing iPhone app, that he's putting trading on hold until his app is finished? You'd maybe tell that guy to slow down for a minute.

Write your ideas down - every single one - because eventually you'll have many per day and although you will only ever develop a very small percent, those ideas build on each other and become something amazing. Be an expert in one field, but be proficient in many many more- the truly amazing ideas come from connections make across multiple disciplines that haven't been seen before because historically people are told to excel in just one area. Those truly amazing ideas, good chance you won't develop most of them either but you will delight yourself with the ability to be creative at a moments notice and it will give you the confidence that you can accomplish very big things, and it will be backed up.

Know when a project has lost steam and know when to drop it, when to tell the team members it's time to work or quit. Don't be afraid to trash a project even if it has some potential. If you have a crappy codebase on a non-trivial project - if it was created by 1 or 2 people it's probably a lot faster in the long run to just rewrite the thing very clean. Team is important - only work with people who really impress you - if you think you're better than everyone else on the team in every area - you have selected/joined a really bad team. Know how to spot other people who give a crap and want to develop cool things. Learn from other experts who know something you don't. Never be afraid to admit you were wrong or misspoke. don't act like you know it all - the feeling that you 'know a lot' after studying something for a few weeks must be some kind of common thing, but after another few months you start to realize how very little you know. Don't be satisfied with a cursory knowledge of a programming language if you have decided to use it in a project.

Don't ignore best practices, they help you progress a lot faster and become mentally organized. Don't overcomment code - also don't obsessively refactor to the point the code is unreadable. Make sure you're always learning something new.

Find out your favorite way to learn: reading, classes, videos, hacking. These are great but after you know the intro stuff, start to read the official documentation.

You know how you say "I can't believe how ignorant I was just 2 years ago"?- well in 2 years you'll be saying the same thing hopefully - that means you're ignorant now and you just don't realize it. Be humble, keep up the pace, keep learning - don't be lazy you ignorant fucker!

If you're stuck on a coding problem and have been sitting more than a few hours frustrated- get some help and talk to someone (and stretch). Those ruts that can last 10, 20 hours - they are not good, they are incredibly wasteful and they hurt. Speaking of sitting - get a damn aeron (or whatever your favorite chair is) - even if you're poor it's worth it. Don't be afraid to spend on really good equipment, it all pays off. Always be open to paying more for quality, but avoid paying more simply because of brand. Avoid getting the 'base version' of a product without carefully considering all of the 'add ons' and determine if they are actually valuable to you (again on the aeron, the only people who I have really heard say they've very unhappy with it seem to have the cheaper, not-so-adjustable version -it's like paying 20% more to get 50% more.

If you ever think you will get into creating electronics, don't throw away old things with PCBs - at the least pull those things out.

Autodidacticism is a wonderful thing as is contextual knowledge - do your best to eventually back up those things you learned with some formal book study. Also - peer programming is an amazing thing, do it at every chance you get. Try your best to find answers to your own questions. Learn more about yourself, try to figure out what makes you motivated, happy, tired, overemotional. When you're stressed and emotional your ability to think logically and be effective is drastically reduced.

Enjoy the things you like, food, music, books, fashion - based on what makes you happy - try never to buy anything with the thought in your head of how you're going to feel when other people see you - it's an insidious thought that I assume we all get but if you recognize it you can squash it. Don't be afraid to listen to a genre of music because it's been stereotyped - if you like corny music then forget it - listen to the corny music and if anyone laughs at you, you can smile and not care a single bit. If you act with indifference to peoples insults or ad hoc arguments they'll become insanely frustrated - don't continue a debate on ad nauseum. If someone always says you need to have the last word - that's a pretty good time to stop taking because not only has the argument become pointless... but yea.

ok that's a lot - a nice reflection for sure.

- Never work on things that won't sell.

- Keep up with market trends.

- Strategize marketing/sales first, implement later.

Don't go to Canada.

Why not?

Nothing fixes itself

Learn Lisp sooner.

The only way to learn Lisp, is to write a Lisp.

On the other hand, people tell me that writing a Lisp is one of the easier language endeavors.

Sure, but those people tend to be convinced that the job is done when (+ 1 1) evaluates to 2. Ask them whether their lexical variables are properly shadowing symbol macros, and you will likely get a blank stare.

"a Lisp" is not quite the same thing as "a fully conforming implementation of a mature reference standard, like ANSI Common Lisp or, or R6RS Scheme or what have you".

Don't go to the fucking doctor.

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