I was born christian and 10+ years ago lost my faith and became a "non believer". I had a few scares during my wife's pregnancy a few months ago and I remember waiting outside the emergency room and wandering what to do. I didn't believe in God or anything, I had nothing to comfort me or give me hope. Then I realized "I am not strong enough to be an atheist". Don't get me wrong, I didn't overnight turn into a devout christian but I started doubting my doubts and my lack of faith and re-examining a few things.
Fast forward a couple of months and my twins were born and I wanted to baptize them. A good friend of mine told me why bother if you don't believe. When we baptize in our church we have to raise our right hand, face the alter and accept the trinity. I didn't want to be a hypocrite and do that knowingly that I didn't believe. So I went and talked to the priest and told him how I felt. I asked him to recommend books to help me "convert back", help me believe. Surprisingly, he told me "what's the point? anything you read, you will question, doubt and read with the intention to find holes" so his only recommendation is to pray once a day and read one chapter from the new testament every day. He told me I don't have to understand or believe what I am reading but he told me to do it for a month and see what happens. I am 2 weeks into it. It's hard. I still don't 100% believe. But there is something changing. I don't know what it is but I will continue with this journey and see where it leads me.
On a side note, I read a fantastic book that answered a ton of my questions - it is called The Reason For God by Timothy Keller. Very easy read and targets people like us - educated and secular with tons of doubt.
I know these are not solutions to your problems but maybe you will find comfort and hope in christianity.
PS: Please keep the "religion hate" speech to a minimum - I have heard it all - actually I have said it all :)