Then I was coding on the train home one night and in the tube my hotspot lost connection. Then I happened to notice... with wifi off the tests ran 10x quicker. Pull out netstat.... I see http requests to akamai essentially as each test setUp() is run. It's SSL so I only see a hostname, not the full path, and they just look like this, but the hostname is dynamic: a23-34-132-181.deploy.static.akamaitechnologies.com
I spent 30 mins reviewing our code, grepping my code and packages directories, and stepping thru in a debugger. No luck.