Things my male tech colleagues have actually said to me
the-toast.net
the-toast.net
> “Most girls aren’t into this kind of stuff.” No way, do you have the list? The list of things most girls are into? I’ve been trying to find that thing forever, can you forward it to me? You have my email. Thanks, man, you’re the best.
As near as I can tell, "most girls aren't into [tech/programming]" is as close to an uncontrovertible fact as you could ask for. The author seemed to try to change that by asking for an entire list .. with a wheelbarrow full of snark.
You can respond to the thoughtless comments of well-meaning, good-intentioned people in lots of ways. I think maybe "days/weeks/months later, on your blog, as opposed to the people who actually said the remarks, with heaps of snark, scorn, and condescension" is not one of the better ones.
Understanding how others perceive your actions, not merely how you perceive them, is one of things that (should) distinguish adults from children.
I don't think you're right to say that there's a single way that people will interpret statements like that. Statements like that can be made out of genuine admiration. I have made such statements out of admiration, and statements like that have been made about me (about my ability to speak Mandarin, in China).
It seems to be a fact that women in tech are rare. I have found it to be true in my life that if you are rare or strange in some way, life will probably be harder for you in some ways, because it will take a while for other people to learn to deal with you. You can choose to look at it really specifically as "sexism", but I prefer to think about it as "people don't handle unfamiliar situations very well".
Either way, it was a pointless thing to say, and I'm never surprised when women are offended by that kind of statement.
That's true, and inappropriate in the workplace.
Saying she should have responded to the people directly doesn't fly either. We don't know what she did in the moment, and we don't need to. This post describes a pattern of sexism, not the specifics of each case.
Christopher Hitchens: Free Speech and the Right to Offend
In my sample of one I have never seen sexist behavior in tech world and typically expect more accepting behavior. Maybe my view is too limited? Have other people see this as endemic culture in scale?
I think if the article suggests anything, it's that you think a bit harder about anything you say. It's also clearly for entertainment purposes as well, so there's probably some amount of exaggeration to the offense that she's taken with these comments.
"How did you learn to do all this?!"
“It’s not ‘P.C.’ to say this, but…”
“Wow, you’re pretty strong!”
“You know about making coffee, right?”
“It doesn’t have all the features; this is the soccer mom version.”
“Let me know when you want to do that so I can help you. No offense, but you just don’t know enough about it to try it on your own.”
“See, that’s the great thing about you, I know I can tell ‘offensive’ jokes around you and you won’t care.”
I'm not really sure about the context she was told these things in, and perhaps they were said to her in a tone that was dripping with condescension, but most of these seem like fairly gender-neutral things to say. But it all depends on the tone, and I imagine since she wrote this article that she perceived the tone to patronizing because of her gender.
We can lump it together with the idea behind the term 'soccer mom' and go all SJW on their asses.