Ask HN: What's a polite way to say “I'm not interested” after interviewing?

Don't be too concerned. This sort of thing happens all the time. Just be polite and say that you'll be pursuing other opportunities. You don't need to go into a detailed explanation of your decision if you don't want to. The interviewer may be a little bit put out but TBH that would only be the case if you were the stand out best candidate in which case you'll probably be fine if you wanted to re-apply in a year or so. As to the recruiter,just ask them to pass on your decision. They may badger you about it (they'll consider that they're losing money if you had a good chance of getting the role) but, again, you don't owe them an explanation.

As a general point, as a hiring manager, I don't tend to feel that someone's playing me unless we've actually agreed with them that they're taking a role (going as far as agreeing a start date, comp etc) and they then don't join. Fundamentally it comes down to whether or not we've stopped looking for other candidates. If we haven't stopped looking, you're not really putting us out at all.

Thank you for that perspective! It's nice to know it's OK to calm down a bit!

You likely have a skill set that they need immediately.

Trust me when I tell you this - hiring is an impersonal process, and part of 'making the sale' includes emotional tactics if the opportunity presents itself, and the other side is so inclined.

Hiring is also self serving and strictly business; contrary to any sentiment expressed during an interview. An employer sees a way to profit from what you provide, plain and simple, and thats why they are hiring you.

If you are going to succeed it is best to learn early on you alone maintain your long term priorities in the hiring process and as an employee; no one else will do that for you with the exception of maybe a highly trusted friend.

If it helps try to think about it this way; if a new applicant showed up today with the same skills as you have and was willing to work for less, they would have no hesitation in telling you that you were not a good 'fit' (industry lingo for we don't want you and we aren't telling you why). You have to keep the same mindset; if an employer comes along with a better offer, you would be shooting yourself in the foot if you didn't take it.

It's not all rainbows and unicorns, but on the other hand it's also not all cutthroat and competition. It's about finding a position that benefits both parties in meeting their goals.

TL;DR don't feel bad about telling them no.

This is what I wrote to the last place I rejected:

"I thought about it last night and I’ve decided not to go forward with the position.

Thank you for the considerable time and effort you went to on my behalf and I feel bad that it wasn’t more fruitful. I really appreciate that you even considered me."

Remove "on my behalf and I feel bad that it wasn’t more fruitful"

Replace "that you even considered me" with "your time".

Watch for any signs of self-diminishing thoughts such as stating that your time is being less important than other's time.

"I appreciate the opportunity to be considered for the position, but I've decided to decline to continue the process."

> Doesn't culture fit go both ways?

Yes of course, and it's never a waste of time to explore a potential business partnership. I've found it more productive to have an initial Skype/phone call with the hiring exec before any in-person meetings and tech interviews. Demand this upfront and lead with your own questions.

"After consideration I have decided to rescind my candidacy for the position of <insert position here>. At this point in my career I feel like this opportunity isn't best for my situation. Thank you for your consideration thus far, best of luck as you continue your search for a suitable candidate."

"I don't think the position is the right fit. Thank you for your time" has worked out well for me.

Most of these answers are good, but this is the best one.

Keep it short and sweet.

You are interviewing them as much as they were interviewing you.

Your response doesn't have to be any more detailed than the one they would give you had you not got through the technical interview.

Just a simple & straight forward couple of lines thanking them for their time and that it was good to get an insight into the role however it's not currently right for what you're looking for.

At the end of the day they gave you a decent look at what working there would be like, be glad that their interview process revealed what you needed to know.

It's MUCH more costly to hire you then have you leave after 4 weeks. They should be grateful you are upfront and not waste further time & money pursuing a role you are not interested in sticking with.

"Dear xxx: Thank you for interviewing me for the YYYY position. After careful consideration, I have concluded that I would not be a good fit for your organization.
I trust that you will soon be successful in finding the right candidate.

Sincerely, Netsec"

That's really all you need to say

As someone who hires, I can be disappointed, but I understand if someone says no. It is like dating - it has to work out for both parties.

Just say thanks for your time, but you have decided to pursue other opportunities. If they wonder why, you can maybe explain that on your side, the position isn't a good fit. If the company gets angry, you likely wouldn't have been happy there anyway.