We Live in an Age of Irrational Parenting

I've found beautiful orchards that I spent my summers in lazily hanging out in and all kinds of amazing places in my neighborhood by exploring, things my peers weren't able to experience because their parents were deathly afraid of letting their children hangout outside.

I walked to school by myself by grade 2 in Ukraine, while when I arrived in NYC, my grandparents who came to the US a few years before us, wouldn't let me walk to school on my own until grade 7, to my great adolescent irritation.

I've only gotten in trouble a few times because I trespassed on some hapless elderly man's backyard, but never have I encountered a dangerous situation where some stranger meant me harm of their own volition.

There's most definitely greatly overstated stranger danger in NYC and America at large, even when you discount my anecdotal evidence and look at actual numbers.

This is probably wrong. Does anyone really think that parents in the past were more cavalier about their children dying or getting injured, if only slightly so? Also why does the author reach all the way back to 1850 for a comparison to the number of children families have? In the more recent pass, families had comparable numbers of children, but no one was worried about them being overly restrictive parents.

Overall this theory seems likely to be more reflective of the author's own anxieties than reality.

I'm struck by the irony of yet another article putting parents under the microscope.

United States: Schools are just educational facilities (Not learning moral values). Not enough time outside (No social interactions). Parents do not have the time to pass moral values to the kids. Parents make up for the lack of time/parenting with material things(Mainly electronics). Kids are spoiled. Different life-work structure and tougher time schedules for the parents and the kids(less time with kids/parents). Parents are more selfish (parents, do not get mad at me for saying this, I will provide an example later). Everything requires a car. Internet/TV are creating a bad atmosphere.

Eastern Europe: Schools are both disciplinary and educational facilities. Balanced time outside and inside. Sense of freedom given to the kid. Less "rights" given to the kid/parent. Balance of authorities, both parent and teacher/coach so that the kid understands that he cannot do whatever he pleases whenever he pleases.

I have noticed the differences in approaches to raising a child (I purposely wrote raising, as children are not only raised by their parents) in the United States and eastern European countries in the past 15 years.

I was born and raised in an eastern European country in times of war in the 90s and the NATO bombardment at the end of the same decade. I was only required to get into the house when the plane alarm was sounded that warned us of the possible danger. Even during those times I walked freely to the store, walked to school alone or with couple of friends, went and did my sport club activities and hang outside and played soccer. We went on school trips all the time, even during the summer for two or three weeks without parents. My parents wanted me to be outside rather than sitting in front of a computer, SEGA, Sony PS/PS2. From this I benefited a lot due to the fact that I stumbled upon liars, kids that were trouble and I had couple of fights - I am now realizing I was being prepared for the real world. When I had the time and if I wanted to watch TV, my cartoon choices were much "healthier". As CN was introduced to our TV providers I've had the experience with Cow and Chicken and Dexter all of which were modern cartoons that had amazing graphics but had zero value in moral lessons. My coaches were also allowed to slap me, just like my teachers were. I received couple of slaps and they have taught me couple of valuable lessons. My parents were working hard and when they could not be next to me, my grandmother was taking care of me and not a babysitter, but I always walked alone to school and back and went to practices at night. My dad did however drove me back drove me back from practice at 10pm, and kids were then saying I was spoiled.

On the contrary - US children are given a lot more freedom - not necessarily by their parents but by the government. I have personally witnessed a woman being arrested in a mall because she slapped her child for being rude to someone in front of everyone. Also, parents are spoiling kids for no reason. "Oh, Tim's kid has a tablet? Well, I'm going to get my child one as well" - even though he has no use for it and he already has 3 other consoles and a phone. They are using material stuff to make up for the lack of time spent with their kids. Do not get me wrong, I know it's not their fault and I know that in a way they want the best for their kids. But in another way, they do equally care about themselves. Vacations without kids, lack of stress etc. I have not felt real strong connection between parents and kids in the US (I could be wrong). I have not had a chance to hear from any student I know that his/hers parents help them pay for college. Okay. Think for a minute. As you grow older, do you need more financial needs/luxuries or less? Why not help out your child not have any debts and invest in them so that they could invest in you once you go into retirement? Are they afraid their child will fail? (I'm talking about Middle-Size college, not Ivy league as I cannot testify since I do not attend one. I did however attend a top 10 boarding school in the US where money did not matter, and the kids on the lower budget were usually in the loans even then)

Also, in schools, teachers rarely raise voice or kick someone from the class. Kids that are not well disciplined keep managing to "survive" in class/school and generally bring everyone down. Everyone has to take the same test - sometimes you just have to use a hard test to teach kid a lesson.

My parents although really strict, did allow me to go out when I turned 14. Keep in mind, I could have bought liters upon liters of beer or dark liquor (drugs weren't that popular then) and my parents knew that. However, they had belief that I would make the right choices and not get into trouble and be home by the curfew time, and due to the respect we had for them (I know it might not be polite, but I'm talking in the name of majority of my friends and kids of that time) we were back even earlier. Cops ID-ed me couple of times, they never once called in a social worker to question my parents why I was alone on the street at 11pm at the age of 13/14, or even when I was younger. I tried beer early, I never once got drunk until I was 19, and even then I had enough respect not to come home like that. Since I'm attending a US college I feel that every freshman here has never tried booze before so they get drunk and throw up ravioli all over my hallway, not just once, but repeatedly.Like it's some sort of a blunt action, to prove that they can. Same goes for weed, which is just now becoming popular in my country.

One thing that I believe is positive - kids in the US start working earlier. That has a lot of advantages as most of the kids back in Eastern Europe rarely have any work experience or positive habits when it comes to work.

I do not want my child to be clueless about life, like some of my college friends. I do not want my child to go to an online high school and completely miss his social and character development. I do not want to drive him everywhere so that he could learn the city and have social interactions at the stores/parks/playgrounds/sport centers etc. I don't want him to have only one friend that will stay over. I want him to have a chance to learn and understand life on his own and that I only guide him, not hold him on a leash.

PS it is pretty late so do not mind my rant, and I know that one college does not mean bad parenting is present across the US.