I feel I am spinning wheels and feel low most days.
1) Exercise for at least 60 minutes/day. I recommend getting a pedometer and walking 12,000 steps/day, plus working out with weights 2-4 times/week 2) Gratitude -- try to spend time every day thinking about the things you are grateful for 3) Meditation -- 10 minutes/day. It works. Studies prove it! 4) Relationship with the sun -- try to get outside at noon every day 5) Eat an anti inflammatory diet. Inflammation is heavily correlated with depression. 6) Try to do something nice for at least one person every day. 7) Research sleep quality and follow all the best practices. 8) Take a Vitamin D supplement, just in case :)
If you do all those things, you'll probably find yourself a lot happier at your job!
14 Foods That Fight Inflammation http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20705881,00.html
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/2rgsan/i_am_elon_musk...
In my experience with serious depression, advice like this actually doesn't work, there was a period I was doing all of these things only to find it did nothing, which was disheartening to say the least.
So by all means do this, but if things persist, speak to your doctor!
> exercise
There is only weak evidence of the psychological benefit of exercise.
Exercise is useful for other reasons, but please don't use words like "proven" when talking about fixing low mood.
Once I realised that it was, for lack of a better term, 'caring' for work that shouldn't really be cared for that was the problem, I got much happier. Became very laissez-faire, committed only to doing a good job and not associating myself with the company. Don't be loyal, just be professional in other words, and live for the time when you are not at work.
Seems to be working for me so far. My work and mood has improved, which leads to better things both at work and home.
Have you had this be an issue?
But the other side of this is that, by not emotionally investing in the work, you don't also end up feeling hurt and betrayed should you not get the promotion you think you 'deserve'. When I built some beautiful application, but got passed over, it felt like my manager had stabbed me in the back. That's unhealthy.
Also, I think that once you internalise the idea that the job was just a job you can become a better performer. You wont feel listless and pointless when a client makes your life difficult, or you are switched from one project to the another. I find that now I just shrug, and tackle what's next.
Even if you do those things perfectly it probably won't make you happy because you're letting someone else define what success and progress is for you. And there will always be more to achieve and a higher level to climb.
If the progress treadmill is meaningful to you, power to you. Otherwise, you have to find your own meaning. When you do your pointless job won't seem so pointless.
I make a good salary at a large software company and I have an amazing family and friends. Every day I feel like I'm growing as a human being in my relationships. My job pays the bills and my family is comfortable. We drive old cars and live fairly frugally. I'm much happier now than I ever was when I was trying to make progress according to someone else's rules.
Also, if your job is boring, do the hell out of that job. One of the happiest people I've ever met served pizza and did it better than anyone I'd ever seen; she remembered every customer's name, made all the kids laugh, and had a good thing to say to everyone she met.
There's a lot of satisfaction to be had from taking something that doesn't matter and making it matter.
I decided to put in the bare minimum effort doing the grunt work I was assigned to do normally, and used my free time at work and at home to study machine learning / data science and to speak with the other research team to develop a background in their project. The topic switch and sense of purpose changed my outlook on the job entirely, and after demonstrating that I could add value to their project, this other research group was able to convince my boss to transfer me to their project which has been awesome and led to many cool opportunities.
I would encourage you to explore what other people at your job are working on. Maybe you can move laterally into a role which you find to be more interesting, or at least discover an opportunity to build interesting skills.
If you think you are clinically depressed, seek the advice of a professional as it only gets worse. The usual things apply here: make sure you sleep well (not too little or too much), eat relatively healthy, and exercise plenty). Spend time with friends.
If you're "just" going through a rough patch and are unsatisfied with work, then rest assured this is just part of being a professional. Some days I hate my job, other days I feel like the most fortunate person in the world. The professional part is that I show up regardless of how I am feeling and always deliver the best work I can.
If you find yourself having more bad days than good days, then maybe it's time for a change. Start with an easy change- maybe ask to be put on a different project (ask in a tactful way) or team. Then if it still doesn't get better after a meaningful amount of time (6 months?) then you probably need a bigger change of scenery and should hunt for a new job.
the main idea is, do not tie your identity or sense of self-worth to your job. be very clear that your job is what you do to get enough money to support your "real" life, and concentrate on making the rest of your time enjoyable. the side project is a good start, but also exercise more, take up some non-tech-related hobby (maybe one you can share with your wife), take short courses in random, interesting skills (e.g. cooking), develop an active community of friends (host dinners, board game nights, regular "check out a new restaurant" outings, walking tours of interesting neighbourhoods, etc.)
that takes care of the life side. as for your career, you might be stuck in a rut right now due to visa restrictions, but that won't always be the case. when it isn't, will you be prepared to interview for a better job? if you don't feel so, then why not? and if you can identify the reasons you might fall short, it's well worth putting in some time building up your skill set, so that as soon as you are able to move jobs, you are also prepared to do so.
But yeah, make sure you live life to the full outside work. Spend work hours shooting the breeze, being tired or hungover. Get some podcasts going on. I prefer D&D because the stories are never predictable.
Find happiness in your life outside of what you do, and some day that will force itself into your career, even if it has to do it without your knowledge. Happier people interview better, look healthier, and generally find a way to do things better. Be careful tagging it with "Depression", unless you've shown symptoms of clinical depression throughout your life, and likely if it is clinical, this won't be the first time, and your job isn't the cause. If it IS clinical, then seek help.
But seriously, things are fucked and it's only getting worse. I'm in the same shoes and I'm trying a startup in my spare time. Plus, the guy running our project decided to quit and leave me alone with a monster made out of spaghetti code. Just finished updating my resume, hoping I won't need to use it.
Don't have any advice that could help. Because the problem is pure greed. Everybody is acting like a vicious greedy fuck, chasing money like there's no tomorrow. Life is now a river of shit and we're all just floating on the surface, waiting for an island or something. People don't seem to care about it either. Complacency is everywhere. Can't say I blame them.
Anyway, the west is crumbling. Go to a cheaper country. With an IT job you will have enough.
An old saying a coach of mine had "if it was easy, everyone would do it". So if it's easy, why isn't everyone doing it?
...also, what is stupid money? $200k+? anything less than that is just called regular money.
For what hath a man of all his labor, and of the striving of his heart, wherein he laboreth under the sun?
For all his days are but sorrows, and his travail is grief; yea, even in the night his heart taketh no rest. This also is vanity.
There is nothing better for a man than that he should eat and drink, and make his soul enjoy good in his labor. This also I saw, that it is from the hand of God.
"Oh, you hate your job? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, they meet at the bar"
Not to be snarky, but congratulations, you've arrived at the prerequisite state before figuring out what you really want to do. Use this time to plan. Do something. Anything.
And get a hobby you enjoy. Seriously. You need to feel personal growth and progress. Work or hobby. It's all the same.
1. Go to a coffee shop or somewhere fun and start a list asking yourself "what do I REALLY want to achieve in my life?" (financial freedom, promotion within a company, launch a startup, run a marathon, etc.)
2. Wake up each day and start working toward achieving your goals.
3. If you're still not happy, then you need to re-evaluate your personal goals.
4. If you don't feel like you're making progress toward your goals, then maybe you're not taking enough risk.
If you feel stuck in your current position, then start networking with other groups inside the company and express your desire to grow your career. Many companies allow you to transition between groups.
Consider a homeless person. If they had your job and your paycheck, they would be excited for the opportunity to afford shelter, food, and the stability that comes from a salary job. Looking back at living on the street, hobbling soaked wet through intersections begging for change, your job is a veritable dream come true.
What's the difference between you and the homeless person? Perspective.
Now consider the CEO of your company. He probably makes tens of millions a year. But do you think his first gig at a corporation was a starting salary with seven figures? Heck no; he probably had a boring job with a crappy boss. Yet it seems that his situation changed along with his fortunes.
What's the difference between you and the CEO? Time.
Now, i'm not saying you should just suck it up and deal with your lot in life. What I am saying is that the depression you feel now is a by-product of your perspective being locked at looking at your situation as a disadvantage, and the lack of vision of a better future. It's possible to reorient the way you look at your situation to be happier with where you are, and be happy about how much better it can get with time.
Part of this improved mental state requires introspection, mindful awareness, and emotional growth. You can read various books or take workshops to help with this. It's also useful to find outlets for your restless mind and body, such as exercise, art, music, reading, etc. There's also growth to be had by being active with your family members [though I don't have any useful examples as i'm single].
Finally, therapy works, and I highly recommend talking to someone, both about your job and personal life. Personal growth in general will help you understand why you feel the way you do and how to work towards a better situation.
Best of luck to you!
In England: your employer has a duty to protect you from harm in the workplace. This includes stress, anxiety or depression. Your employer may have an occupational health telephone helpline. Some people say they don't trust employer provided helplines. You could go private: BACP are reputable accreditors for psychological therapies. Or you can use NHS services: do a websearch for your county name and words like "talking therapy" or maybe "cbt". These should take self-referral, but if not you go to your GP and ask for a talking therapy.
Early intervention is important: recovery is quicker and stronger if intervention is early and good.
There are also self-guided systems if you don't want to see anyone. Search for "books on prescription" to see curated lists of sensible books. "Mind Over Mood" is one that's frequently recommended.
There's an Austrailian website: https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/
I recently spoke to about 50 different local employers about mental illness and work and they were all keen to do the right thing and to learn about mental health. So if you recognise something that would improve things for you at work it might be worth just having a chat with them.
Finally: if you find things getting worse it might be worthwhile to create a "rainy day action plan". This would be a list of things that would trigger you into going to see your GP. For example, if you start having suicidal thoughts you should go and see someone. The rainy day action plan is normally used with severe enduring mental illness and can cover Advanced Directives, but they're useful for mild to moderate illness too.
2. Have an honest conversation with your manager. If you have a problem, it's no use swiping it under the carpet and hoping it will just go away on its own. Tell the manager how you feel and what impact this feeling has on your day-to-day job. If you have already applied for help (see above), mention it. This way you are sending a positive message that you are aware of the problem and proactively working towards fixing it. Try to be open, honest, and speak in terms of how to improve the state of affairs, rather than complaining how bad it is. Try to work together with your manager to seek a solution.
It is natural to be afraid of this conversation. Work it through in your head. You may feel that your manager is not understanding enough. If in doubt, try to talk to a colleague first. Alternatively, you might find someone else in senior management whom you consider more approachable.
3. Exercise, meditate, sleep and eat well. Others have already mentioned the importance of this.
Study something with the goal of mastering it.
Get involved in a non-profit that does something you think makes the world a better place.
Teach your kids to grow up and live their life knowing that "the normal way" (go to school for 20 years, then sit in office majority of week days until you die) to live life isnt the only way to live life.
Make a plan for what you'll do when you are no longer on that visa and free to get a job elsewhere, then start planning and preparing for that future.
It will change the color of your days to know you're doing it with an end-goal in mind and you're not "stuck here forever".
- Go a little bit rogue. Focus on what you think it's important for the company/team to be doing regardless of what "smarter" people are telling you to do.
- Find non-tech people within the company and solve their problems. Write small in-house applications to make their lives easier.
- Take time to learn something new, and then share what you've learned with your team with a tech talk. e.g: Machine Learning, Continuous Delivery, Functional Programming
- Find someone either inside or outside the company to mentor: I like to start with the RailsGirls guides and expand out from there.
First thing on the list might be a skills inventory - what would you like to be doing? Can you then start a small project to start learning or developing the skill?
A walk each day - rain, wind, sun or snow - is very important. Away from the office, you will get time to think about positive things, and how you work towards them.
I am sure you don't, but try not to portion any blame on the wife as she is not yet working. I am saying this as a witness to a friend who did the same when he felt trapped and alone in his work situation. One day, you may make a big pivot in life, and your wife will be working and supporting you whilst you do.
Selfish note - the company survived before you and will survive after you. Therefore do what work is required, but if you find yourself with free time then pick up things loosely related to your job, that give you a chance to learn new skills on their dime and their time.
If you are truly experiencing depression rather than a solid realisation that life in the big corps can suck royally, then you do need to find someone qualified to sit with you and address that specifically. But doing so should not stop the daily walks or the small step situation improvement plan.
Good luck.
Some times new employees seem to have this non-enthuastic drive. I know they don't have an excercise regimen.
I take meetings with the team now with a hackey-sack. It's easy but gets the blood moving. 15m of hack, 2x or 3x a day can make a huge difference in your emotions.
One point I'd like to add is this. Try to find small things that you can start and finish in a reasonable amount of time. Maybe something you can do in an hour, as against, starting yet another task that will take days or weeks to finish.
In my experience, actually finishing tasks that have some value to me give me a little hit of dopamine or some other brain chemical, and that often improves my mood.
I wish you the best.
After a while, I started feeling depressed. It was a combination of the monotony and a lack of purpose, and it wouldn't help when I would encounter the occasional order of cat toys or extremely overpriced items that could have been purchased at a dollar store for 400% less. I was enjoying the constant movement but there was no pride in my work. Its not like building a structure where you can witness the fruits of your toil. Because everyday was predictable and simple, I would say that I felt that my mental facilities were deteriorating at an accelerated rate which prompted my abrupt leave (without a notice).
Sometimes I would research the internal Wiki for what the AWS engineers were saying to each other. It was interesting, but I'm sure I was only doing it because I knew they made more money than me. This is where I went wrong because comparing yourself to someone else is an inefficient use of your brains resources.
My duties were simple and I felt like a grunt but I've always been in shape and never get sick. I'm fundamentally opposed to the idea of gyms because you're paying a group of people to make sure theres a place with air conditioning where you can pick up iron and put it back down in the same place. Or run in place like a hamster (some places have tracks, I know, but round and round it goes). I understand that sometimes weather will prevent an outdoor run or hike, but just do something. Rearrange the house. Build something with heavy parts. Run up your stairs every time you use them. Theres always a way to get your blood flowing without allocating a specific hour of your schedule.
I like the_economist 's advice in general, and particularly the bit about getting outside, but suggest that longer meditation is fine, too, and perhaps try bodyweight workouts before getting into barbell/dumbell training. I just got a copy of Convict Conditioning and find it and the idea of bodyweight exercise compelling, and you can't beat the price. (See the FAQ at /r/bodyweightfitness for more.)
A bit of a plug, but:
I also created a Kickstarter for my project, which is designed to help people feel better via a method called neurofeedback. Usually it's thousands of dollars, but we automated it and brought it down to ~$30 per month (or $15 through the kickstarter).
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/synaptitude/thinksuite-...
Eventually, you'll be free to leave, and you can start pursuing other goals.
Or ... Ask your boss what you need to do to earn whatever is is you want, and then pursue that. Make it reasonable and achievable in 3-6 months -- to do that, ask for the appropriate thing (a small step towards a larger goal)
Sounds like you have a pretty good life!
If we spent more time appreciating the things we do have, and less time lamenting the things we don't (promotions, specific career trajectories), then we'd all find more satisfaction in life.
Weed will give you the emotive catharsis you desire, in a healthy and positive manner.