Ask HN: How to overcome mental weakness? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How to overcome mental weakness?

9 pointsRagnarork8 comments

Hi HN!

I turn to you in order to see if this community has actually answers to my problem. Shorter: I feel mentally weak, and moreover, even after reading advices about what it means and how to overcome it, I still fail at changing that.

About me: I'm a junior developer in a small start-up that does augmented reality, developing their mobile apps. I'd like to end up doing 3D real time rendering one day, and am quite into C++ as well.

So, how do you truly overcome mental weakness, that is: - "Not showing up": there's this quote that "80% of success is showing up". Yet I still can't find the... energy? determination? in me to do “show up” to achieve what I want (e.g. recently I've been trying to develop my own 3D renderer).

- Giving up too easily: I think that's also one of my main issues, when I sometimes (miraculously) find that energy to do things, I won't stuck with it very long if difficulties show up.

- Emotional breakdowns: I've found that recently I'm a bit too inclined to, when facing difficulties, have kind of breakdowns, where I'll just stop and sigh, feeling quite depressed that I don't "achieve" what I'd want to.

- Whining: That's something I feel I do way too much, when I stop and just whine about how I won't make it and how I can't do things anyway.

I feel I've done the first part: identifying what's wrong. But I’m clueless as to what to do now. I feel like a fatalist "Anyway, that's cyclic. Not being able to make efforts won't help me to get out of this mental state". I've read articles that give advices like "Set up short goals", "Plan ahead", etc. But I find myself just unable to "show up" and apply these advices. I always end up just lazing instead. I feel trapped in a vicious circle where my lack of mental strength prevents me from reaching a state of mental strength where I could achieve things.

Have you found yourself in such a state and how did you overcome it?

Many thanks if you've read this far.

It could be physiological, such as low testosterone. It could be that your colleagues are incredible jerks, and it is affecting you psychologically. Assuming it's just you, there is one thought that may help you : this whole area of having self-confidence or energy or determination: it's not black and white. Rather, it's like temperature : there's below zero, zero, and above zero. The top thing that helps in going from below zero to zero is to stop all the negative self-talk.

When I was younger and in a similar place, I found it helped to use this technique from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I read about in the book, "Feeling Good" (I think that's what it was called? By someone called Burns, if I remember correctly) : just make a table with 2 columns (it could just be in Word or OneNote). In the left, right down every negative thought you get. "I am useless; I will never understand how template metaprogramming and typeclasses are related as claimed by <colleague X>". On the RHS, you can write an objective rebuttal to this thought. It helps to take the perspective of an outsider, as if the thought on the LHS is from a friend sharing their problems with you. How would you respond? "Well, you know these terms 'template metaprogramming' and 'typeclasses', don't you? How did you get here? That's how you'll get there, too. Step-by-step. I don't see any logical reason why it is impossible. Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's real". And on cue, you will feel an incredible sense of relief, as if a weight has been lifted. Just continue this until you go from below zero to zero. It's just a form of mindfulness meditation, I suppose. Being observant of one's thoughts is very powerful.

It's very striking and powerful when you realize that many successful people are just ordinary folks without unnecessary negative self-talk who just worked at it for 10 or 20 years. It can be very enabling and powerful (as long as you don't start counting the days; that's another problem! :-) )

I have a simple question : do you like yourself? Just a little is fine. If you don't, address that first by introspecting on the negative thoughts. The C++ will take care of itself once you free up the energy. :-)

That's an incredible advice, it sounds like I could get a lot from doing that. I'll make sure to try.

Also, to answer your question, I'd say yes, apart from these mental breakdown where I feel quite bad about me. It depends on the mood. But most of the time I'd answer yes. There's just parts of me that I don't really like.

Thanks!

It's good to hear that you don't have any self-dislike. I look forward to a positive update from a couple of years later :-)

I think that the narrative that you tell yourself is the narrative that you believe. If you tell yourself you are a whiner then the next time you whine, you have a reason to, you are a whiner, after all. Change the story you tell yourself so that you can start to change the behavior that you allow yourself to engage in.

Learn, also, to put things things in perspective. You got to where you are through a very long series of achievements. The next time you find yourself on the verge of a panic attack, look back to the last time you did and think about how you came out on the other side.

I have the same problems you describe. I struggle with it, but I found that becoming aware of the root causes and finding strategies for dealing with them has helped me.

Thanks for the advice. Putting things in perspective should be something I should do more often. I'll try to find tricks to make me think of doing it.

I've been there and it sucks.

One thing I would say you need to question is how much you actually LOVE the process of doing what you're trying to achieve. Not just loving to get it done, but to actually LOVE it while doing it.

The process will feel pretty gruesome if only getting to the end of it is what you Love. Not worth it.

Saying you're mentally-weak, seems like an excuse for something that's not working out.

You might be great at something similar, but in a different vertical.

Some motivational quotes/videos/materials are great, but the myth that you have to go through pain to achieve something, is a cliche.

This is a great quote I found recently: http://ow.ly/i/8R72A

Good luck and sorry if I was a bit harsh.

Thanks. Honestly, I'm starting to consider that possibility, that what I pursue is not what I like, but I don't know for now, I think that's the only thing that keeps me interested. I like to read about 3D rendering, I like to watch conferences VODs. But when it comes to sitting behind the keyboard and getting things done...

And that's actually a great quote.

I was like you. Then I got serious RSI problems because I played competitive foosball while having an unhealthy lifestyle. I'm now almost fully healed after 2 years. My resolve is a lot stronger now because I've had to do so much self PT,yoga and health research. I can't recommend getting RSI as a solution though :)

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