Basically it works like this: If your options become very valuable, the people on the other side of the table are no longer the friendly technical founders that you know and love. Instead, they're replaced by calm, professional capitalists and attorneys, whose sole raison d'etre is to separate you from "your" claim to their assets by many convoluted and entirely legal tricks, all of which feel profoundly unjust to the common man.
They are specialists; they do this all day, every day, and since you are just an unsophisticated code monkey, it's vaguely like playing one-on-one basketball with Lebron. So unless you have something their bosses really want (perhaps domain knowledge of the business) you almost invariably end up with pennies and fake smiles.