The introvert's guide to getting noticed
pauldessert.com
pauldessert.com
Try getting good clothes. Go to a good store and let the people do their thing. (Or otherwise find some fashion advice).
I did this as an experiment a few years back. Just walked into a place, gave em some cash and said make me look less of a dork. (I usually just wore slacks and a plain tshirt, mostly dark colors, nothing worth noting other than it's lameness and banality.)
The difference was immediate. Night and day. People just noticed and responded better to me, everywhere. It was like this secret power, just putting on a Wardrobe of Charisma +5. It was bizarre.
I haven't kept it up at all, mainly due to lack of need of charisma in general. I've known that dressing up, like wearing a good suit, can be effective in social engineering situations, but I wasn't aware of how powerful just dressing "nice" versus "usable" had just walking around.
I'm sure this is all well-known to most people and you might be shaking your head at the basics of life I am so amazed by, but perhaps someone will find this an interesting anecdote.
Edit: I'd also note that I did what he suggested, too. I look back at my blog and cringe. But I got a fair amount of contacts, book deals (which I never followed through on properly), even respect from strangers on a few occasions, on account of me being active publicly. And back then people linked a lot to random blog posts (maybe they still do) and without any effort, I had a PR6 site which was sorta cool. As a bad career move, I got embarrassed about things and decided I wasn't as good as I thought I was and stopped writing and self-promoting. Traffic and PR went down accordingly.
That made me chuckle.
Mind commenting on what kind of clothes they offered and for what sort of price range?
This was south California casual, I guess? Shoes that look good sockless (or wear those little liner socks). Button-down shirts that have some simple design. It was nothing really, and I'd have no problem doing outfits that good myself now, after spending perhaps 10-15 hours reading about fashion and trying stuff out. But at the time it was revelatory.
I am certain that many guys in my position would do fine just going any decent-looking clothing store and asking the salesguy to make you look OK. They're good enough to not let you leave looking like a dweeb. Personally I like some of Banana Republic's stuff, as it's higher quality than Target, and still casual (yet the other half of the inventory seems very "douchy").
People are so vulnerable to social manipulation via clothing and all sorts of other means. The stereotypical programmer person looks down on this, perhaps because they're not comfortable, or because it feels "fake". It might be useful to view social as just another system to be hacked. And in the process, one might realise it doesn't have to be fake and can be quite rewarding.
Yes, I know, this reeks of just blindly following trends and conformity. But we don't say that of other hacks. "Loser! You just shoved some escape characters into a querystring and looked for issues. That's so common, you're such a sheep." Yeah, maybe, but the end result is what matters. And feel free to A/B test versus wearing a "I'm too CSSy for this shirt" tee and decide which leads to a more fulfilling experience.
[The irony of me giving out fashion and social advice. Like someone advising you to "buy a computer with Internet; that's my favourite program".]
I'm an introvert. After a particular long week, I'll go into my apartment and only talk to the delivery person that is bringing me my food. I do that because I just have to recharge and don't want to be around people.
But I have zero problems talking to people. I'm usually the loudest person in a design meeting. I am not afraid to make my opinions known. Mostly in person because I like to read people's body language.
Yes. This is just one person's account. But please don't assume introversion == shyness.
I like the idea of using your actual name for usernames, but that could lead to some unnecessary risk if you don't practice proper password security.
The meetups aren't a bad idea, but telling people to "talk to someone" is a bad idea. How about "Listen to someone"? That's much better, especially for introverts.
You're preaching as an extrovert to introverts. Associating yourself with your work, thinking through it, positively engaging those who criticize it while remaining calm - those are ways to get noticed as an introvert. Incorporating what you hear from others - that's how you get noticed. Talking to people and talking, talking, talking... that's how you get noticed for the wrong reasons.
It reminds me of the popular book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking"
In that book, the author suggest that introverts fake extroversion in short bursts.
As an introvert myself, this is something I've done for a decade. It's tiring but pays off. Sometimes we introverts miss out on great opportunities because we don't stretch our comfort zone.
I think this article is good advice on small ways for introverts to put themselves out there and "fake extroversion".
This is a social profession. Humans come first. Actual code quality is probably fifth. People who listen, valuable though they often are, are not the ones who get noticed--for any reason, good or bad.
However, on the opposite side, sometimes you do just have to grit your teeth and get started.
Anecdotally, a few years ago I was in a outdoor shopping center and noticed a boxing gym tucked away behind some other store-fronts. And in that moment, I said "fuck it, I'm going to learn to box". I wasn't particularly in shape, nor is "fighting" really in my social demeanor; I'm kinda of a pacifist. It was awkward, difficult, and at times painful. But it was also intensely rewarding, and I ended up training for the next 3 years and even competed in some amateur events.
Sometimes, it does help to just take a dive.
But I think there is a subtle difference that a lot of people overlook when it comes to introversion. Some people are introverted because they fear failure and lack confidence. Other people are introverted, not because of social incompetence, but because they just don't enjoy superficial - and i don't mean that in a condescending way, but to highlight the difference between 'acquaintance' and 'friend' - connections with other human beings and such interactions are inherently draining, not invigorating.
This is probably good advice for the former, not so much for the latter.
All that said, I honestly do wish the OP the best of luck in their 52 week challenge, and I hope that it helps them improve whatever they feel they need to personally improve. More power to you!
> It's easier said than done. The reality is, it stings. You'll question your work. You'll start seeing their point. You just have to realize they are wrong. Chances are, they are an insecure douche and have nothing better to do with their time than belittle other people. They are faceless.
This is much easier for men than women. Women are harassed more online and the harassment is more personal for women than men. Men get their work attacked, women get their identity attacked:
http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/women-ar...
> According to a 2005 report by the Pew Research Center, which has been tracking the online lives of Americans for more than a decade, women and men have been logging on in equal numbers since 2000, but the vilest communications are still disproportionately lobbed at women. We are more likely to report being stalked and harassed on the Internet—of the 3,787 people who reported harassing incidents from 2000 to 2012 to the volunteer organization Working to Halt Online Abuse, 72.5 percent were female. Sometimes, the abuse can get physical: A Pew survey reported that five percent of women who used the Internet said “something happened online” that led them into “physical danger.” And it starts young: Teenage girls are significantly more likely to be cyberbullied than boys. Just appearing as a woman online, it seems, can be enough to inspire abuse. In 2006, researchers from the University of Maryland set up a bunch of fake online accounts and then dispatched them into chat rooms.
> Accounts with feminine usernames incurred an average of 100 sexually explicit or threatening messages a day. Masculine names received 3.7.
http://time.com/3305466/male-female-harassment-online/
> [W]omen’s harassment is more likely to be gender-based and that has specific, discriminatory harms rooted in our history. The study pointed out that the harassment targeted at men is not because they are men, as is clearly more frequently the case with women. It’s defining because a lot of harassment is an effort to put women, because they are women, back in their “place.”
Create new accounts. Don't switch your existing accounts. Unless it's Github or something.
And introverts are generally capable of going through life without being noticed as much as extroverts, and don't feel the need to create divisive clickbait to share like an asshole. That's why we're introverts. It's okay!
"Understand trolls will always try and bring you down.
It's easier said than done. The reality is, it stings. You'll question your work. You'll start seeing their point. You just have to realize they are wrong. Chances are, they are an insecure douche and have nothing better to do with their time than belittle other people. They are faceless."
Look at some well-known popular tech personas that have done well for themselves. Many of them seem to know approximately nothing, technically. I roll my eyes when I see them linked to as some all-knowing sage. Yet they've now got tons of resources to do whatever they want. If they had thought "wow, I don't know shit and my skills are probably below average" they wouldn't have continued to pump out those "divisive clickbait" articles and be an "asshole" and subsequently land all sorts of lucrative contracts.
Is this the wrong way of thinking? I am the only employee. I'm supposed to do what I'm good at, and that's coding... not talking.
Eventually, if my product is good enough, someone has to notice. Right...?
As an engineer, you might be tempted to call those people "bullshitters", because they talk more than they create. They're not - they have different strengths than you do, that is all. And when you need somebody to talk, you want those people.
And so, knowing them is a good plan. As is, in general, building a network of people you can contact for advice on things you're not good at. This is not about going there and talking. This is about going there and finding people who can complement your strengths. This is about getting feedback on your product. This is about hearing new ideas.
All of that will benefit your product.
If it's not solely for you, and you do really want to build a good product, then you have to listen to what people say about it. And you can't just close your ears when they stop talking about your product and about themselves and their own problems; to be a good listener you have to listen to all of it.
Retreating into what you're good at is just that: retreating. To make progress in any area you have to get past obstacles, including the ones you create for yourself. In the end, you will never be successful without communicating. And communicating goes both ways.
Most of the time, change is effected through long effort and reflection, and by the end you don't see you've changed at all.