I have 2x of the filco majestouch tenkeyless ninja keyboards with brown keys. For me its perfect, its hard to suggest a generically 'perfect keyboard' as everyone is different. They are not cheap.
Without being able to experience these keyboards, the choice of Cherry MX Brown/Cherry MX Red/Topre is tricky. As you say, it's a very personal thing, and I suspect the difference between those three isn't as important as having a good keyboard layout and sane key action.
> I obsessed about keyboards for probably a month before breaking down and ordering a WASD [...] I never really think about my keyboard until one of these threads pops up, which is funny considering how much mental energy I devoted to choosing one.
Oh boy, that sounds just like me! You should have seen the months I took to spec out my new desktop computer. Drop me an email if you want to have a foil for these times :)