Ten Things I've Learned While Dating an Entrepreneur | Hacker News Reader

Ten Things I've Learned While Dating an Entrepreneur

alysonshane.com

45 pointslux17 comments

Can we stop pretending that entrepreneur's are a new species that need special treatment?

It's work. A job. And, in fact, from an economics perspective, small business ownership by those under 30 is at an all-time low.

I totally agree. I have worked in two "startups" (both great experiences). My father started an electrical contracting business when he was in his 20s. No one called him an entrepreneur or said he was building a startup.

10 Things I've Learned While Dating Somebody Without Balance in Their Life would be a more appropriate title for this post.

> Everyone says that they want to date someone driven" John said to me last night "but most people can't actually date someone with drive and ambition because they feel threatened by it."

This is a convenient way to justify one's inability to maintain healthy relationships and explain away past failed relationships, but most of the time it simply isn't true. It is entirely possible to be ambitious and driven while having interests outside of "work" and creating clear boundaries between one's professional pursuits and personal relationships. People who leave workaholics do so not because they are threatened by the workaholic's motivation to work but because they are incapable of contributing to a relationship.

I couldn't really work out if this was a parody or a cry for help. If it's not the former, I think it's pretty desperately sad.

How so?

Because it's basically making excuses for all the ways that entrepreneurs make shitty partners.

The author is in a relationship with a person who clearly has priority issues and loves his work more than anything else to the point that it permeates every aspect of the relationship. Instead of recognizing just how unhealthy this is, the author appears to be sacrificing her needs and accepting as normal behavior that is not.

Because it sounds like the relationship she is describing is between two work colleagues (or perhaps two co-founders) - "Mostly, we talk about work" - not a romantic relationship between adults; almost every point she makes is an attempt to justify the compromises she must make on a daily basis because of her partner's obsession with work.

There is more to life than work, and (to quote John Ruskin) there is no wealth but life.

I know this person personally. She's not writing a parody

The various statements about this person's partner having horrible life balance are unfounded at best. Yes, this article could point to poor life balance, but it could just as well point to a well oriented but clearly dedicated and passionate person.

While the behaviors may not be normal, there is a line between enabling someone by sacrificing your own needs and simply accepting that everyone is different in their passions, drives and hobbies.

> The various statements about this person's partner having horrible life balance are unfounded at best.

You know how you can tell when you have a problem with work-life balance in a relationship? When your partner writes a blog post noting:

1. The lack of time you spend together.

2. The work-related things you constantly talk about that he/she gets tired of.

3. Your inability to remember things.

4. That he/she plays second fiddle to your work.

5. Your inability to maintain a sane schedule.

6. His/her feelings of loneliness, annoyance and frustration.

No relationship is perfect, but the author has been with her boyfriend for only a year and all of these things are already clearly weighing on her. Right now, she's trying to justify them. But most people can only do that for so long before attempted accommodation turns to anger and resentment. When that happens, relationships end, partners cheat, etc.

> Right now, she's trying to justify them. But most people can only do that for so long before attempted accommodation turns to anger and resentment.

Or before they meet someone new and interesting.

No, I don't mean that old and tired "she's looking for the next best thing" or "he's a stepping stone" or "she's easy prey" crap.

What I mean is that tiny, contingent moment she will/may accidentally meet someone who will peak her curiosity. Then all these attempts (and she is doing some really really heavy lifting there) fail one after the other.

This scenario is not limited to entrepreneurs and founders. The boyfriend described has a passion, is lucky enough to be getting paid to pursue said passion, and seems to keep it his highest priority. I currently 'know a guy' like that. He doesn't date.

I was also once a guy like that. It was only at that "me or your passion" point in the relationship that priorities were re-evaluated, and our relationship drastically improved for the both of us since. The choice doesn't have to be black and white as was presented between the quotes in the previous sentence, but the idea that it might be was enough to make me think more seriously on the matter.

If the author is happy taking a back seat to her partner's life, then so be it and good for her. The tone of the article, in my opinion, indicated otherwise.

It's not just entrepreneurs - working professionals who work long hours can overdo it. Pro tip: if it's Saturday night and you can't think of anything to talk about besides work, you are boring your partner and ruining your relationship.

"10 Things I Learned While Dating a Shitty Boyfriend"

They aren't able to converse about anything other than work. People should be more interesting than this. If there's nothing new to talk about ever then you need to do some activity together or spend more time reading or whatnot. I don't think anyone in my life could explain what I do better than 'codes some Internet stuff and data'... because I rarely talk about work. If people want to hear about your work, they will ask you and beg to hear more. Otherwise they really don't care.

> "when you just want to spend the day vegging out eating an entire can of Pringles"

A whole day?! Driven entrepreneurs like me can finish a can of pringles in 15 minutes.

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