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Comment by jonpress | Hacker News Reader

I didn't have many friends in school. I never tried to fit in - I found other people in my class to be predictable and uninteresting and it took me too much energy to pretend that I was enjoying their company. I went through several years of school with no friends at all - At times, 'cool' kids would invite me to play sports with them after school but I never did. I spent all my lunch breaks alone programming games on school library computers.

I don't have much fear of rejection nowadays. I consistently choose the most difficult life decisions because I like challenges.

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I have no intention of questioning your choices, but I think you may be mistaking communing with others as some sort of easy way out. Personally, I find it pretty hard, so perhaps it'd be worth your time to try more real, deep interaction with people you don't know. It can be a serious challenge, and while having no fear of rejection is perhaps ideal, I don't think I would call intentional introversion the most difficult possible life decision.

Most people are not deep - They don't really think - They just blindly try to adhere to various stereotypes.

Everyone does that to some extent (including me) but there are many levels. Some people don't think even at the most trivial levels...

For example, if someone identifies as a 'Geek' - They will often convince themselves that they like Star Wars, Legos, Sci-Fi, comic books, etc... But in reality, they really never actually gave these topics any thought based on their own individual merits.

If you like a challenge, why did you fold from the challenge of enjoying a sense of community with those that appear uninteresting to you? Everyone has something to learn and something to teach. I bet if you'd stuck it out, there was much you could have learned from them, and them from you. Closing yourself off in a room robs both you and them from a chance to grow.

I hear that a lot, but I just don't have about more than even 30 minutes of pretend interest to give people I find boring.

Maybe I'm an asshole, but I genuinely prefer to just sit alone and think about things than talk to people I find boring, even if they have yet another funny story about something to do with fishing that's slightly different than the others.

This isn't to say I don't go to the bar and chat up people in small time windows, I just don't bother to spend several hours talking to someone I don't find interesting.

I don't see why I should use my time that way.

Most of the talk is superficial talk about stuff that doesn't matter. They're telling you because you're listening. They haven't got to the deep stuff yet, perhaps they're not invested in you(?) Why do they enjoy fishing? Perhaps they like the solitude, why? Maybe it's the same reason you enjoy it. Maybe they don't like people either. Why is that? Perhaps it's the same reason as you. Perhaps there is a deeper underlying topic to discuss than that fish they caught that's slightly different than the other person's fish. You're confusing superficial small talk with meaningful conversation. Maybe you're not digging because you don't care and that's fair enough. The bigger question is why don't you care? Is there nothing more to that person than meets the eye? Or do you just not care about them enough to dig past the superficial small talk to the real person underneath?

What is it you prefer to think about rather than reach out and make a meaningful connection with others?

If you like a challenge, why do you avoid the challenge of enjoying eating pickle and marshmallow sandwiches?

Enjoying a challenge doesn't mean doing stuff you don't enjoy. You might like hanging out with people, but not everyone is the same. That's okay.

If you are really happy then just ignore me, this advice is freely given and freely ignored. I only give it because of a perception I have based off of a small glimpse into your life. So if you are happy just ignore it and move on, hopefully I can offer a different perspective.

Sometimes the most difficult thing is to go out of our comfort zone. I'm guessing that's what you want to here from this community, and I'd say it's true. I did the same thing in high school, but I did have a core group of friends who got me (they didn't even attend my hs). My advice is to seek out people who's friendship will last beyond your current situation and who are easy for you to talk to. Difficult people to talk to are important but they aren't the ones we latch onto thought life.

Also, sometimes the hardest thing for me is to talk to people who I think are not as smart as I am, but everyone knows something you don't, even if that is what is fissionable. And who knows you might find someone with common interests, or who wants to talk to you about your game.

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