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And you don't need syntactic sugar to do OOP, as you have just demonstrated with your examples. And also, multi methods exist, but you probably want one subject/dispatch variation per sentence anyways for complexity reasons.

Only if your model is terrible. It's perfectly possible to have thirsty_people.drink(water).

I think the more realistic code would be.

people.find('thirsty').drink('water')

Not about plain language reading, but instead writing code the way people think about actions and things.

Procedural is just as valid, but you use the right tool for the right job.