Autistic and Searching for a Home

Joy? In spite of the lack of legal status, she's more of a parent than many "parents" I know. It's a pity that she can't fight harder to get conservatorship of Savannah. Once Savannah is part of a family, with a financially responsible "guardian", she would qualify for more assistance, in both Canada and the US.

But, cut her losses? She's a parent, unequivocally devoted to her children. It's an idealized position for some to consider, sure, but there really are people who believe their job as parents -- a job that doesn't require having donated DNA to their child -- is to do everything in their power to make their kids' lives better than their own. That kind of parent doesn't "cut their losses" because their actions in support of their children aren't evaluated as a loss or a gain. It's simply what a parent does.

And on a personal note, it's remarkable how deeply an autistic child can ensnare your ambition, to imprint upon you the unstoppable motivation to help them succeed in a world where "difficult" citizens are just uncomfortably ignored, languishing in a system that won't get emotionally involved in their welfare. I'm lucky in that my son has tremendous capability for language, and is savant-like in his math and science skills. But he also breaks down when the shower curtain in the bathroom he shares with his sister is unexpectedly swapped out for a new one. He runs when someone tells him "happy birthday" on his birthday, desperate to escape, panicked beyond rational understanding. I do a lot for him, and he does a lot for me, and I guarantee that neither of us will ever try to assign loss or gain tallies to our interactions and decisions and celebrations and sacrifices.

Sometimes, there are no losses to cut. Sometimes -- all the time for some of us -- everything we do is somehow in service to our children.

Joy, in the original article linked, is a parent greater than most, and needs to be given conservatorship of Savannah. She could have no better advocate.