Ask HN: Social awkwardness | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Social awkwardness

7 pointstaoseeker9 comments

Fellows,

Has anyone out there, at some point in life, had the impression that people, acquaintances, suddenly walk away, as if you had done something that bruised them?

I've lost many 'friends' in the past and continue to lose as life goes on and can't really tell what I am doing to them. The more I reason about it, the more emotionally distressed I get.

I reckon that it could be because I tend to take things seriously most of the time and people at the end probably find me dull and boring, but that's rather shallow.

What would be good strategies to deal with it?

edit: typo

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In my humble opinion, before "leaving" a friendship, always do anything and everything in your power to leave on a positive note. If you do that, you won't have negative feeling towards them and they won't harbour any towards you.

This is good advice for any relationship, not just friendship - including jobs, business, dating etc

Dear Taoseeker,

You say you take things seriously most of the time. Thing is, most people take things seriously too, and you need to figure out what they are.

To have friends is to give friendship.

And to give friendship is to pay attention to what things people take seriously.

And to walk in their shoes a bit, climb into their skin, feel what they feel when they feel what they feel.

Seriously, it's near impossible for your friends to walk away from you if you take the things they take seriously as seriously as they feel they should.

It happens a lot to me too.

What I have noticed is that those friends whom I meet in person regularly have stayed friends, while those whom I interact with mostly online (due to distance or schedule) have drifted away over time.

Personally, I'm not too troubled by it. I don't think it should trouble you either - after all the other person too has lost a friend in you. But if it does, then I suggest meeting them in person if most of your interactions are currently online.

It happens to me as well. As ky3 puts it, most people take things seriously too. Problem is, perhaps what they do take seriously is not what you do. Try to get along with people that share tastes with you (not limiting yourself to them, of course). Common interests are key to social relationships; they seem to be the glue that holds people together.

Have you thought about reaching out to them and asking what happened?

This may or may not help. I read this recently and am thinking about it a lot.

http://therumpus.net/2014/12/the-sunday-rumpus-essay-get-rej...

working out; if your not healthy your body and mind will spend energy on fixing urself when really your mind should be focused on enjoying your life and feeling good, and the body strong and comfortable in any situation.

What do you really want?

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