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Comment by lamuerteflaca | Hacker News Reader

When I was young and idealistic my first impulse wheen seeing someone in need was to help. If somebody asked me for help I was happy to do so. Unfortunately people would take advantage of my helpful nature or they would not reciprocate when I was the one in need. Too many years of this and it has turned me into a cinical bastard. I've done my best to supress my impulse to help people indiscriminately.

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I traveled around India for about 6 months. I was happy to give initially, but being taken advantage of over and over took a toll. Beggars tried to emotionally exploit my girlfriend, sending their young kids at her to literally grab at her pant legs and make the motion for food. She'd give them money. When we passed by an hour later the same kid would be at my girlfriend again for more. She ended up crying a couple times a month because we didn't have much money, certainly not enough to hand out.

I'm now indifferent to even brutal poverty.

Happened to me too. You have to see it from their perspective, and in brutal poverty and a culture of it being OK (or even enforced) to get money from tourists (because they are clearly better off than you) - they just do what works. The reality is we'd struggle to not do the same in their situation, and you just do what you can to help. India is far better than other countries in that violent crimes seem to be much rarer, so whilst it may have taken a toll emotionally, I definitely realised later that it could have been much worse.

India is a tough place to travel though, that's for sure.

As with all giving, you just do it because it's the right thing to do, and defines how you see yourself.

I traveled around India for around 4 months last year and came across the same debilitating poverty that you mentioned. Men missing legs dragging themselves forward on dollies around Lajpat Nagar market, teenage mothers panhandling with multiple kids at chaotic intersections, rows and rows homeless people sleeping outside. My coping mechanisms improved, but I wouldn't say I became indifferent to it. Seeing the poor without being able to help feels to me like pain without purpose. So after a while I learned to look away from the poverty for my own sanity. Can this lead to indifference? Yes. Does it have to? I hope not. I hope that one day I will have the resources to turn my gaze towards poverty again and feel less helpless.

"Rape fear keeps US students out of India" --Nancy Powell

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Rape-fear-keeps-US-...

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