Wow, I constantly think that nothing about the horribleness of PHP can surprise me, and then Rasmus says something even more insane than his already insane statements. I mean choosing function names based on length because you didn't bother to write an actual hash function? AMAZING.

Anyway I'm just going to leave this here because it's great fun: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Rasmus_Lerdorf

Some favorites:

"There are people who actually like programming. I don't understand why they like programming."

"I'm not a real programmer. I throw together things until it works then I move on. The real programmers will say "Yeah it works but you're leaking memory everywhere. Perhaps we should fix that." I’ll just restart Apache every 10 requests."

Ladies and gentlemen, the author of pretty much the most popular web programming language out there!