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The Question Mark

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Been a while since I've posted anything on here, but this one was really personal to write and I wanted to share it with the HN community where I largely lurk but still count myself among.

It resonates with me pretty significantly as well, especially since I think the point you were at when you were 25 is about the same point I'm at now. I guess it's the prototypical "quarter-life crisis" which a lot of people go through. The difference with me is that though I'm working full-time, I don't own my own business, and I don't really feel in control of my life as much as you presumably did. (Which, if I'm reading you right, is saying something.) But that fear and uncertainty is really difficult to deal with, and it definitely can be difficult for those people around you.

I don't know if I'm going to come to the same conclusions as you though. I feel like I need to make a change, and I can't let myself get complacent with my current situation. It's all too easy to let myself stagnate.

Great spot of writing, love it! Finally put to words something I've been trying to phrase myself: "we are not job functions, we are human beings". Plus that whole 'it's OK to not know exactly what you want to do because you're leaving your options open' bit is great as well.

I agree. I always say 'work to live, don't live to work', which is my way of saying the same thing.

I liked this as well: 'I had been dreaming all my life, but I felt like I was finally free to dream'. This is where I am at in life right now, and it is beautiful.

Your story reminds me of myself before I read "So Good They Can't Ignore You" - https://sivers.org/book/SoGood

The book completely changed the way I look at work/career/etc, and I wish I could have read it 20 years ago. It finally freed me from the catastrophe of "follow your passion".

Agreed. That's a book I would recommend for every high school student. It continues to help me focus my own efforts.

I'm recommending it (and buying copies for) friends/family of mine who are parents. I am convinced that if I can instil in my 4 year old the theory put forth in the book, he will be light-years ahead of almost everyone else who are susceptible to being tricked by the passion-hypothosis.

I got shivers by reading "I found my voice, and I found my heart."

I don't know why this resonates that much in me, I just feel so deeply touched by this phrase. And feel honestly happy for you.

Thank you, beautiful read. And 'Welcome' :)

Thanks for the kind words, and I'm really moved that this resonates with others on here! I left this up last night and went to bed assuming it was already buried, so this is an awesome surprise :)

This was a nice read. And I think this was the first comment I made on HN since years or so? lol.

Very reminiscent of Alan Watts' "The Wisdom of Insecurity." And also something Terence McKenna said: "My technique is don't believe anything. If you believe in something, you are automatically precluded from believing its opposite."

That quote is self-contradictory since it itself is a belief that "believing as little as possible is better than believing something". It itself automatically precludes anyone who holds to it from believing many things.

We can't escape belief. There will always be things in our lives that we will accept based on trust of some kind.

But (to get back to the post), as the author said, it can still be absolutely fine to not necessarily have an answer all the time. To realize this can be very freeing.

It's a technique to be employed as far as is practical, not a unit test that must pass or fail. :)

That said, I've thought a lot about applying TDD/BDD methodologies to life. My nightly before-bed checklist is basically a suite of unit tests, for that matter.

Haven't read Alan Watts yet, but from googling it that looks like a great read. Added to my wish list, thanks!

Thanks.

This story resonates with me a lot. I am in my early 20's, a web programmer. I date a girl that studies in philosophy, I ask myself a lot of questions. I'm losing my freedom as I "grow up". Or am I? Who am I? Sometimes, I feel like I am only a piece in a computer. Surely I don't hate computers. Do I? I work so much, but do I work hard enough to get better at it? Am I... what am I?

You absolutely trade away freedoms when you get married (or build a serious relationship), have a kid, buy a house, get a dog, etc.. Signing up for rental payments or car payments of a certain amount involve reduce freedom.

That's fine (and you can build a lot of really good things); just watch for trading away freedoms but getting nothing valuable in return -- it's a common mistake (and I made it myself!) to get out of school, get your first job, and immediately get a car, living situation, etc. that costs what you earn. Or, oops, a bit more than you earn. I paid for my wedding and honeymoon that were nice, but left me in debt for years; it was dumb. I got a car that wasn't fancy, but it was more than I should have spent. Etc..

There's an awful lot of stuff that you simply don't need, and will never need; don't trade away your freedoms for those. Whenever you have a significant jump in earning, never ever spend anything immediately. Wait 6 months at least; see how your life is going, and if you can just keep saving the extra, or if you'd like to make a few upgrades in your life.

Very true. It's easy to miss how "living in your means" is actually still below your means.

Case in point: I've had an "affordable" mortgage for the last several years, but haven't even visited the house for the last year and a half. Advancing my tech career required moving away from that small town, but the monthly obligation continues to hamper that. It looks like escaping the office worker life will require selling it.

Wonderful piece, thanks for sharing it.

One thing did bother me, though. You quite succinctly speak about no longer wanting to classify yourself by a title...

"That’s why to me, I’m no longer just a programmer, or an artist, or whatever"

... but then right there at the end ...

"JOHN LUXFORD Chief Technology Officer"

I suppose it's more difficult to grow beyond titles than you might realize! :)

Haha I know! They wanted me to follow the format of our other posts... :P

Good for you, you're putting yourself out there. And this work isn't for nothing. But man, look at how many times you used the word 'I'.

If you want people to take away something from your story, make your story about what needs to be taken away. Not about you.

Keep writing.

This is the story of the author trying to decide what to be when he grows up -- of course it uses the word "I" a lot. Perhaps you're suggesting that he tell a different story, though personally I like this one.

Haha thanks. I noticed this myself after writing it, but wasn't sure how to phrase a lot of it clearly without starting with "I". My girlfriend helped edit and removed a bunch of "So"s from the starts of sentences, which I think was my way of trying to not start with "I" quite so much :P

Didn't even pick up on that first time though, but then ran a control+f to see and it is indeed used a lot. However, the story is self-reflective on the author's own past and I personally did take away some nice points from the post.

Agreed. This is really an ad for the author's company.

Really?

I had little idea of what the company was before reading this, and I still have little idea, afterwards. Still, interesting read, and it's really cementing in my mind a bit more where I want to take my own work & life.

Side q for lux - maybe it's early days to say, but I'm curious to see how well you manage to shape your company into what you want it to be; e.g., keep re-asking these questions (am I making a positive difference in the world?) and see how the answers are trending. Good luck!

Thanks! We're still a 3-person company, so it's a bit early to tell, but it's something we talk about a lot amongst ourselves, as well as with other business owners we know, and something I'm always reading about online.

We've all worked at places that had particularly toxic company cultures, so we spent a lot of time just working to make sure we weren't bringing unhealthy habits into this new business. I can definitely say my level of stress and tension are much different 6 months in than when we started, despite things being way more hectic and challenging now vs then.

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