Since you've already decided we're "ugly and hostile", I'd like you cite certain examples of this hostility. I've been in the community for almost 3 years now, and its by far the most insanely-motivated and awesome community I know.
I've also found a large part of the Drupal community to be non-technical users attempting to help each other with various technical problems such as module or database upgrades. I never saw this amazing community that i've heard people mention - so I assumed there must be an invite-only mailing list somewhere.
Asking in a module's issue queue can be hit or miss. If it's a major project, you'll get a response and it'll be "this has been asked before, here's the link." That's great.
More likely you'll never hear a response.
#drupal-support can have some very helpful people on it. But once your question gets beyond general use of the major modules, the odds of getting useful help approach zero.