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Comment by kaitai | Hacker News Reader

What if the kid cares?

Kids are made to care. I don't remember my graduation from grade school being a big deal -- I certainly don't remember having a ceremony and I doubt that there was any sort of fanfare surrounding it. This June I went to the neighbor's 5th grade graduation and it lasted as long as my high school graduation in the early 90s. Not saying it's wrong, but it's a shift in our values as a culture. Part of it is that parents, especially dads, are expected to be more engaged in their kids' lives than their fathers were. But I think that part of it also plays into the whole helicopter-parent trend, making a big deal of out achievements that everyone should reasonably be expected to attain.

On the other hand, those milestones are surely not the only time that this father missed with his daughter, they were the symptoms of a larger problem, so I'm not sure it's really relevant.

> Kids are made to care.

True. But it's hard to predict or script which moments make a lasting impression on a child. Speaking only for myself the moments I remember most vividly don't even register with my parents when I bring them up. But the interactions are forever etched in my mind.

Having a child of my own nowI remember that. I remember that the world is chaotic, unpredictable and in order to make memories, even one you first have to be present. This bite me in the ass when my wife reminds me of it at 5am when my second grade daughter wants to play games or draw pictures with one of us.

What if the kid cares because the culture makes a big deal out of it? IMHO, kids should just be kids, not have all this organized, scheduled shit anyway.

Where was an article not too long ago on HN about the benefits of "unstructured play" and how we are creating much more stressed out and a lot less adjusted kids by denying them that historic social practice of just figuring out their social place within their social group, independent of the social position of their parents.

Wish I had saved the link...

I wish I could upvote this a million times.

Since my parents were working all the time, extracurricular activities were usually just not possible because no one was there to drive.

The result was that I spent my grade-, middle-, and high-school years (especially summers) simply loafing around - biking around the hood, kicking it with other kids, walking to the library, the mall or arcade, catching a bus downtown, futzing around on the computer and learning to program, walking, reading, thinking, etc.

Magical times...

People really only have 18 years guaranteed obligation-free, why rob them of that?

Thank you. Very well stated. Sorry for the "right-on" comment but an upvote to you and the parent post felt insufficient.

You can do more than 18 years obligation free. It's just people want more money.

I'd argue we have it backwards. More free time as we get older and more structure when we're younger. Not 100% scheduled, but not loafing around all day.

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