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I have the opposite issue, I'm constantly sending out personal emails asking to help people with getting setup (it's for Heroku SSL stuff and people often misconfigure things) and can't get a response from them.

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Write a really short sentence and your signature should say "sent from my iPhone"

This. More generally, the less attention that goes into perfecting the layout and wording, the more likely the reader is to believe you're on a busy human's to do list and not a mailing list.

HTML layout very bad, neat little bullet points bad, good copy bad, lack of line spacing and excessive terseness good.

So basically be as inefficient as possible

Be as efficient as possible.

Don't waste time on presentation, so you don't feel like a marketroid.

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