The Case for Delayed Adulthood
nytimes.com
nytimes.com
My first thought was "how sad that the march to adulthood is associated with the loss of imagination and experimentation."
But then I think of the sciences in general, and that I chose software engineering specifically because of the constant learning, changing, curiosity and intrigue it comes with.
The take-away to me is that we don't push nearly hard enough the importance of continued curiosity and the pursuit of new skills and knowledge. Apparently, it really does help you stay young.
...but the constant learning, changing, etc., is only tied to the demands of that particular job. Whereas in adolescence, not tied to any particular job as a set identity (and with free time on a level no longer available once one must take up a full-time job), one may frequently be exploring whole new topics of interest, developing breadth and not just depth.
In fact, they can probably do it a lot better.
Likewise, there are lots of ways we can describe maturity -- physical, cognitive, emotional, behavioral -- but I think a hallmark of adolescence is that decision-making is (generally, at least) more impulsive, more hedonistic, and more selfish.
And that, at least, is what I have seen among friends and acquaintances who have taken a long time to leave their adolescence behind them.
It's not just their living situation or their financial situation that can be called adolescent -- it's their general maturity and decision-making.
Perhaps, as Prof. Steinberg argues, the negative of immaturity is balanced out by the positive of brain plasticity ... but I wouldn't be surprised if immaturity + plasticity could be even more problematic than immaturity alone.
So much in-the-box thinking.
I'm reminded of the way many 20-somethings think that if they aren't careful, they'll suddenly be married with kids and wondering what happened to their life. Newsflash: If you want to find and build a relationship that will last for the rest of your lives, you have to try at least a little. You can't dare the universe to force a husband/wife and kids on you.
Similarly, being a mature, responsible, independent member of society is not some inevitability that comes crashing down on us eventually, it's an achievement that is pretty easy to avoid by just being sort of dysfunctional and not taking responsibility for yourself and others.
Plenty of people end up married with children simply because of some kind of birth control failure. As a 20-something, I'm rightly terrified of that happening to me. My lifestyle is completely incompatible with children or long-term relationships.
Even talking to happily married people who love their children, I feel like I'm talking to someone with Stockholm syndrome. They say they're happy, they act like they're happy, but I still think I would be miserable in their shoes.
Though I don't think your second point jived with your first very well (as I understand it). If you work hard toward a relationship that will last the rest of your life you aren't going to wonder "what happened to my life," it is going to be a deliberate thought out process toward a mutual goal(s) with plenty of communication and mutual respect for each other's wants and needs at the current moment. The "what happened to my life" crew ended up slowly sliding into their life without fully realizing what was going on until it happened. Or let their partner exert excess pressure into their life decisions without open communication and mutual respect for one and other. Maybe even mistakes such as accidental pregnancy. Also the changing environment you are in - when all your friends start moving towards something you may be just following the crowd because "that's just what you do" rather than completely wanting to do it. I've seen some people just get married for the sake of marriage because "that's what you do" without really picking someone they have long term potential with.
I would also argue if you are experiencing a "what happened to my life" moment, you are unhappy with your relationship and what is either is or has become and don't want the relationship to last the rest of your life. "Wondering what happened to my life" is perhaps the cause of many divorces.
College, just like the rest of life, stimulates and challenges you only as much as you make it.
Pretending to maintain adolescence will not help by itself, and if your biggest problem is that your life isn't stimulating enough (and you think this is because you're too "adult"), then you certainly have the stability needed to find ways to make it more interesting.
It's speculative, but I wonder if there could be a connection between delayed adulthood and lengthening lifespans. It "makes sense" in the common-sense meaning that if we stretch out our lifespan, it would also stretch out the various stages of life.
We just don't have the technology to do this experiment on human beings - the only species for which this statement can make sense.
I know of some studies which have observed synapse formation in vitro, perhaps one in vivo in animals kept alive through strenuous means, but all in mice and with no simultaneous behavioral examination.