> I’m certain that if I had children, I would be failing at my job.

Quality not quantity.

I work as an engineer for an NYC startup and have 3 kids. No, its not easy, but yes you need to reset your priorities. Life becomes more focused on fewer activities. Once the kids get a bit bigger its not as time intensive.

I work roughly 6:30am - 8:30am and then 10am - 5pm M-F.

I have many other friends who are engineers at fast moving companies with 2,3,4 or more kids. Its definitely doable.

If your company is asking you to work hours and hours maybe there is something wrong with their product development process or business plan.

Stop worrying and start procreating!