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80 pointssinzone35 comments

I once went to a seminar for programmers who wanted to learn how to sell. The teacher walked into the room and saw all 22 of us sitting at our desks reviewing the handouts. He couldn't believe that none of us was already talking to each other. The first thing he said was, "You guys really need this class!"

I can't emphasize the body language part enough. A lot of the time, and I have been guilty of this, people go on and on about a project they're working on, even when they sort of notice the other party not interested, hoping that the person's mind will change once they hit some critical part of their monologue, or that once done, the person listening will evaluate the idea as a whole and finally get it.

Learning how to pick up on the nuances of body language is really important. The angle at which the person you're talking to is standing, their eye movement, how engaged they are, are all cues to their level of interest. If a person isn't standing parallel to you, that could mean that they're preparing to walk off, or are opening the ground for others to enter, and if you pick up on that, quickly move to what you want and end it. If you keep going, it's more than likely that the person really isn't listening to a word you're saying and cannot wait until you're done. Shifty eyes, or occasionally smiling at passer-byers, etc, are also signs that the conversation isn't really going anywhere.

Being able to read body language in general is good skill to have (interviews, friendly interactions, etc).

This all comes down to good preparation. If you know you're going to be running in to someone simply set up a meeting before you go.

And inquire if they'll have some time. If they say no you know where you stand.

Approaching people 'cold' is a hard to master art anyway, most people are busy and most of them are too busy right now for you. But if you give them a chance to work you in to the schedule most of them will give you a bit of their time.

I personally avoid tradeshows and such like the plague, hardly any business of any significance gets conducted there. Everybody in the know already has a fair idea of what will happen, and otherwise you'll get it in the press or on the web the next day.

For internet companies to host 'events' is a little weird, the real action is on the web, and your press contacts should be well prepared long before any physical meeting, and even then it is probably better to have them one-by-one than all in one go.

The panel discussions are slightly different, it is a format that translates badly to the web, and it sometimes can give some insight in the personalities of the people behind the names.

But you're clearly not open to approaching them on a personal level in that setting, it's 'many-to-many'. Better to save that for another time.

Two other pieces of advice:

1) For the love of God, introductions are not about you--its about them. You'll get your chance to tell your story if you first make their needs a priority.

2) Always introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you on a plane. You might be surprised by what you learn from them over the course of a 3 hour flight.

Number 2 got me moved from a center seat into a bulkhead position with twice the leg room on a 9hr flight from Germany. Do it.

He complained about you?

No, it wasn't negative. He brought me along as he moved because I was a "family friend"

So true, especially #1. I'd highly recommend the book "How to Win Friends & Influence People", where this (and other) ideas are discussed.

Most memorable flight neighbor: "I'm a professional project manager. I get paid to worry." Now, obvious. But then, not.

If that was on a CO flight to EWR that may have been me!

(If I ever need a job I'm buying a round trip ticket with a 12 hour layover at IAH. Ruby's bar is like one rolling job interview for the extroverted who likes to travel.)

Counterpoint to 2: I hate when mostly boring people start talking to me public transportation, especially planes. I am usually pissed and stressed out by the lousy service so just leave me alone.

If the point about Body Language is also taken into consideration then this shouldn't be a problem.

Yea, I got quite a nice job offer while on a flight once by following point 2. I've also met a bunch of interesting people and had some fascinating discussions.

The corollary to that point is that you have to be able to quickly gauge the level interest of the person sitting next to you. Introduce yourself, then wait and see how the person responds, if he show no interest in talking to you, then don't pester them.

"If you get someone’s business card, never call them. That mobile phone number isn’t for you, the person who just met them. A random call to their cell phone is never welcome. Send an email."

I disagree with this. For someone being approached a lot, like Arrington, it's obviously easier to give an e-mail a quick glance and then discard it instead of all the time and bother that comes with an almost cold call. But if you want to get through you should call, it's much harder to say no on the phone than it is to discard an e-mail from someone you don't know. You'll also have a much better chance of making an actionable next step. "so you like it? Well why don't I send you a mail with login information so you can give it a try? I'll call you next wednesday to hear how it went"

That's also why response rates on direct mail is much much lower than coldcalling potential customers.

Why would anyone answer the phone from a random number? You go to voicemail, then the person either ignores it or listens just long enough to get the name of the person they need to put on the shit list. Don't call, especially someone who has written a blog post specifically saying "don't call".

Bollocks. If someone gives you a businesscard with their phone number on it it is an open invitation to call at a later date. That's what it's for, it's not a collectible.

Otherwise keep two sets of cards, one with your phone number on it and one set that has just email or IM information on it.

It is really bordering on the arrogant to assume that someone is reading your blogposts in order to figure out what they can or can not do with the contact information that you gave them.

If you think you are too important to be bothered by 'mere mortals' you might as well stop handing out business cards.

And god forbid someone actually wants to talk to you. Just imagine, where do these people get the guts to do that.

I completely agree that you shouldn't be handing out business cards with your phone number if you don't want calls, but regardless, I stand by the belief that phone calls should be reserved for people you actually know want to be called, and I don't think a business card with a phone number gives you that knowledge.

I don't think this is arrogance, it's just a social norm that I personally think is pretty well established at this point. An actual phone call has a level of formality/familiarity to it at this point, and I think it's just rude to presume you can unilaterally breach that. Everyone's time is valuable, and it's kind of a dick move to try to take that time from someone (regardless of who they are) just because you want to give your pitch to a stranger.

Most people do answer the phone when they don't recognize the number. And if you don't want people calling you, don't put your phone number on the business card you give to random people.

I instinctively disagree with the first point (and completely agree with the second, but regardless, I don't think a card with a number makes for an open invite), but then again, I don't cold call a lot of folks. The idea that someone would hand over control of their time to other random people just strikes me as strange.

"I'll call you next wednesday to hear how it went"

this attitude is not appropriate because creating actionable steps is presumptuous if you're the one approaching. why do you think its okay for you to set some kind of schedule for someone that will be doing you a favor?

too many people in this world either have a sense of entitlement or think that by being pushy they can get whatever they want. please try to earn people's respect.

The response rates for direct mail is lower, but from Arlingtons point of view that is a great thing, since he can ignore those who don't matter enough to be on Techcrunch. So naturally he prefer email only.

This is why I don't include my phone number on my business cards, and haven't for at least five years. I don't want to talk to people I barely know on the phone, I very rarely answer calls from numbers I don't recognize, and I check voicemail very irregularly.

But, if I gave someone my number on a little card, I can't possibly be offended if they then call it.

for arrington he needs to add #9 - "Don't spit on me"

Some advice:

Don't begin with "Hey, what do you do?"

Get to know the person first before asking about what they're working on.

Why?

In my experience, that question is an awkward one for a surprising number of people. For some this question is awkward because they are looking for work or don't need to work. For others, this question implies that all you care about them is what they "do".

At the moment, I'm asking people "So, how do you stay busy?". This question has been the start of far more interesting conversations than "So, what do you do?".

"What do you do?" is better than "Where do you work?" or worse, "Where did you go to school?", which are common among many people in professions like law.

My general rule of thumb with meeting new people is just to be genuinely interested in learning about them.

Even if you're asking the "what do you do" question, the authenticity you deliver the question with will make all the difference.

Good point on the authenticity aziari. I agree, it makes all the difference. Anything I can say beyond that is just repeating part of "How To Win Friends And Influence People" (An excellent and timeless book, despite the title, which didn't stand the test of time)

Because you should get to know someone. And people are not defined entirely by what they do. That'll come in time and you'll get to that topic.

And people are not defined entirely by what they do.

I would expect that entrepreneurs are one of the communities that is very likely to disagree with you.

That's what you might think at first. And that's exactly what I perceived to be the case. But as someone who frequents 2-3 networking (tech/startup related) events a week in NYC for the past three years, that's actually not true at all. We want to talk about things outside of our daily grind first i.e. our hobbies, where we like to eat, what we do in our off time, etc., and where/what we work on will work its way in with time. Why the rush? You're (hopefully) trying to make a friend not pitch a random stranger that will forget you the next day if all they hear about is your company.

You don't have to believe me, but I went from knowing nobody in the NYC tech community three years ago to knowing everyone. My initial approach was going up to people and asking "Hey, I'm Spencer, what do you do?" and playing the whole back-and-forth like a recorded conversation. That gets you a routine glazed over eyed response. I then started getting to know people and them getting to know me and everything flipped and I've now made dozens of friends for life where we now get together outside of work, go to each other's birthdays, know each other's girlfriends/boyfriends, go on vacations together, etc. And this all changed when the conversation shifted to being more about the people than only what we did for a living.

Would "What do you like to do?" be a better question?

"So, got any pets?" ;)

You're joking, but that'd be more affective genuinely delivered than "So, what do you do?"

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