Get unfascinated, because it's easy to spend $100k on a kitchen. I don't know how close we just came to that, but it probably isn't far. I would be embarrassed by the cost, but the stuff that dominates that cost is so basic that none of it seems extravagant. Kitchens are just expensive. In order of cost significance:
1. We demolished the entire HVAC stack, including knocking out an old chimney, and replaced a furnace and hot water heater. The new appliances were nice bonuses, but were a rounding error compared to the labor. That work got us a range hood sufficient for our new stove.
2. We tore the kitchen down to the studs and replaced the windows and backdoor, and created a pass to our dining room.
3. Cabinets. Holy fuck are cabinets expensive.
[ huge dropoff in expense happens right about here ]
4. We had an architect plan all the details of the renovation, which sounds silly except (a) the kitchen is better as a result, (b) it prevented us from fighting over feasibility of things we wanted in the kitchen, and (c) it made it easy to get permits.
5. New appliances. For normal people, you'd have to work pretty hard to find reasonable appliances that would significantly impact the cost of a new kitchen. It's not the "professional" appliances that make kitchens cost $100k.
6. Countertops (we wanted something cheap that ended up not working out, so this turned out more expensive than we planned).
7. Tile.
We live in a not-particularly-expensive part of town (there's a significant amount of section 8 on our block, which is directly adjacent to the West Side of Chicago). Our house isn't expensive relative to houses in Chicago. But renovation --- real renovation, not just replacing a fixture and putting in new backsplashes --- gets nosebleed expensive fast.
My impression is that people used to be able to do stuff like this regularly by taking out home equity loans, on the premise that improving the house increased its value and so was a little like investing on margin.
Incidentally: to anyone considering improving a kitchen: get a foot pedal sink. The plumbing for them is cheap (like, a couple hundred bucks installed). It makes a huge difference.