What Is Time?
medium.com
medium.com
The argument was that although it's true that your time will pass more slowly than time on Earth while you're coasting, you also clearly have to do a lot of accelerating, and acceleration itself also has an effect on the apparent passage of time in your reference frame -- and in this scenario, where you start and end in Earth's reference frame, that effect cancels out the effect of velocity (perhaps even more than cancels it out; I don't recall).
Does anyone here know if this is true?
The observer who accelerates is the one who breaks the symmetry, and thus travels into the other's future. I haven't done the math, but Wikipedia has pictures:
I found the Wikipedia page on the twin paradox[0]. It explains the matter very clearly.
Why?
If effects from causes occurred immediately, versus with a distinct delay, everything would occur at once (or loop forever, that's a bug).
Hence, because we can observe that things happen "in sequence", there is a "propagation delay". That's what time is: "Time: the process whereby effects occur after causes, in a step by step manner".
(Sorry it took so long to post the punchline to your obvious Douglas Adams setup; I was at lunch).