I wanted to kill myself, and I didn't want to live, so having lived both sides of that coin, I can categorically say it doesn't really matter what the difference is. It's not a place anyone ought to be.

My advice: get help. If that fails, get help from someone else, and keep searching until you find it. Avoid things that only exacerbate the problem. If you find it hard to go on, focus on getting through just today. When it's really bad, focus on getting though the next hour.

There is really, really good help out there. You just need to find it.

It is simply a matter of degree rather than a fundamental difference however.