Ask HN: Can someone in SV/SF please hire me?

I moved to SV several months ago thinking that it wouldn't be too difficult to find a job. Yet here I am, after spending several months looking for a job, sending a few dozen resumes and after having a few interviews, with no job found and feeling quite hopeless.

All I wanted from the beginning was to work for a small startup, but what I learnt after having a couple of interviews, is that the hiring process seems to be quite different to what I was used to... For example, we rarely talked about my experience, the projects I have worked on or about samples of my work. It's just a few technical questions, and then the whiteboard; it's hard coding with just a couple of markers (I barely know how to do handwriting anymore!)... I guess I'm used to: syntax highlighting, code completion, documentation, etc. These tools might be making us not so good with just an old plain text editor, but as far as I know, we use them in the name of productivity (really, try a different context: go make popcorn without a microwave oven). If you don't know what you're getting into, you're going to fail and feel like a fool real quick, which will also be the case if you don't practice this kind of problems a lot, and/or you don't have all your CS and technical knowledge very fresh in your mind.

I'm running out of time, so I decided to write this plea for someone out there that could help; all I'm looking for is a humble job where I can do coding for a living. Right now, I'd say I'm better at doing iOS development, but I'm familiar with Android, JavaScript, and Python; I also know SQL, and the usual JSON, XML, HTML, CSS. Can someone please give me a chance? I really need something right away.

Thanks.