Telling other people what to do? | Hacker News Reader

Telling other people what to do?

4 pointsoracle20259 comments

What kind of habit is that that I am suddenly seeing all over? People telling others what to do.

Right now, on the Hacker News Frontpage: * We have the potential to solve the biggest problems of today https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7934177

It goes on to rant about how people waste time and money building something like Yo.

Then today, I was at a place meeting some people, and we came to talk about what I am doing in the moment. I go on and answer: "I am working on a web-platform right now, for some startup-idea". Then the some person starts going on: "Well, you should always be pitching your idea, don't just say 'some web-platform', blablablabla". Well at that time I guess I wasn't in the mood talking about it in detail. But anyways it is the same pattern, people feel like telling others what to do. It feels kind of rude to me, and makes me feel uncomfortable.

Then, the other day, I was listing in on a conversation in a cafe, (I was sharing a table, so I kind of could not avoid hearing everything the said). So, they are talking about picking up girls, so one guy says to the other: "If you like that girl, you should go and chat her up." And the other answers that he does not feel comfortable about it, so he won't do it. Which of course gives the other person the opportunity to go into a lengthy tirade, about what "shy guy" should do, and how he should do this and that, and push himself, and be more outgoing, and talk to her, and blablabla, ... I will spare you the details.

In the end, this habit of conversion makes people feel uncomfortable, and above all, people don't change their behavior anyways. The only thing it achieves is making the "advice giver" feel better, because he shared his pearl of wisdom with a "lesser" peasant.

For me as an outsider though, I see the person as a bully and a jerk, someone I'd rather not spend time with.

Entrepreneurs and techs especially have this conversational issue.

I've found asking "do you want some unsolicited advice" before starting with "I recommend..." helps people listen more than if I start cold with "what you should do is"

You can also reply with "what you should do, asshole, is not give me 'advice' when I'm not asking for it."

Its quite annoying to be on the receiving end of this "wisdom". Have you noticed that its also not on point?

You start with " My summer project was beer" and the sage advice is "you should structure your company as an LLC until you need to be a C-Corp"

My current experiment is to just walk away while they blather.

HTH

| I've found asking "do you want some unsolicited advice"

++

You know what you should do? You should always....

( just kidding :P )

Why does it bother you? Is it so bad that it affects your ability to Get Shit Done?

You're already aware that people enjoy giving advice. I'm sure many people could learn better ways of giving advice that aren't so intrusive, but many times people are hoping to be helpful, and it's a fairly innocent and friendly thing.

That being said, I'm not sure what you're seeing. There are certainly limits on all behavior, and it's possible for someone to bully a person with advice.

What's going on for you?

FWIW, this is a nice read on the subject: http://getpocket.com/a/read/542330336

What is "Pocket", and why would I want an account?

Pocket is a website that allows you to bookmark stuff to read later. You don't need an account. The person that posted that link probably made the mistake thinking other people can see his saved stuff.

I did. Thanks for pointing that out. Here is the source

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB1000142405270230418120...

Eh shy guy probably really could have used that advice. I see what you're getting at though. :)

I also hate being told what to do and consider it rude. I hate people's 'input'. I've learned to counteract this by taking the time to recognize when someone is giving advice to be helpful, and when they are doing it just to talk.

You then have to if then else whether or not the advice is actually helpful. :D

I agree, some people see technological development on an almost religious level where people should be doing things. I think it's all silly. Do what you want in life. Other people will do what they want.

Entropy will reduce the universe to nothingness on a long enough timeline, anyways.

Then don't spend time with them? Doing anything else is literally hypocritical, telling people to stop telling others what to do.

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