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Comment by clarebear | Hacker News Reader

I cringed at the description of "a lady who took an obvious immediate disliking to me" in the visa office. It made me sad to recall times that a woman has controlled my destiny and denied me for whatever reason when the men would have let me in. I'm so sorry that Nikki also knows what that feels and looks like. I hope my daughter never does.

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It's not a gender issue, it's a U.S. bureaucracy issue. They're all little tinpot dictators who like making up rules on the spot - and U.S. bureaucracy design takes away many avenues of recourse, so they get away with it.

I've experienced them when immigrating to the U.S., at the DMV, when getting inspections for contractor work. The little $*(#@ get off on making you feel helpless.

Who picks on you seems to have to do with what vibe you give off. I did notice that both my partner and I attract a certain class of them, but thankfully we don't overlap. So by now, we know who gets to deal with which idiot.

"* it's a U.S. bureaucracy issue*" It's an issue everywhere, not just in the US.

In many other countries, you have the benefit of well-defined rules, and well-defined escalation paths. Both are notably absent in the U.S.

I agree with the "who picks on you seems to have to do with what vibe you give off" sentiment. Perhaps I over interpreted from Nikki's description, but I have seen and experienced smart, young(ish), accomplished women sometimes get sabotaged by older women in bureaucratic or middle management type roles. I could imagine that whatever that thing is might have been what motivated the "tinpot dictator who likes making up rules on the spot" to choose Nikki to power trip on and feel helpless. I don't know whether they are jealous, they feel helpless and therefore like watching others feel that way, think they are protecting young women from roles they aren't ready for, are just having a bad day or they met that kind of resistance and now think it builds character. It doesn't really matter. But it certainly hurt 99dresses and that makes me sad.

I think you can safely assume "a lady" is merely descriptive, and not accusatory, unless you're searching for prose to be offended by.

If it was a man, and the sentence included "a man" I could also imagine a snide comment from some male commentator accusing her of misandry.

Can't win!

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