The main idea behind book is that smoking is easy to quit. It is not addictive like alcohol, or other drugs, where withdrawal symptoms are intense. Quitting smoking is a big business like weight loss and there is a reason why they make it sound like a tough thing to do on your own.
As for relaxing, I haven't found a perfect replacement for cigarettes yet. I listen to music or read in my patio in the evening. Play video games. I also tried healthy stuff like running, working out, hot bath, or meditation. But nothing is perfect or I guess I am still not fully recovered from smoking.
Someone pointed that out to me. Somehow the fact that people thought that I stank was worse than all of the publicized health issues (to me).
I quit 4 years ago. Now I realize when I come across smoker how much they truly stink. As a smoker you haven't got a clue how much you smell.
My father stopped smoking when I was a little child. He just took the decision to never do it again. After about 6 years he couldn't stand the smell of a cigarette. I know that this isn't a widely used strategy but I've seen it work fine.
Anyway, even if you can't stop entirely, I'd say try to limit smoking as much as possible.
Why don't you try some Yoga to relax? (not joking).
With an e-cig, you still get the feeling of smoking (and nicotine), but it's still not really the same, and after only doing that for a while, I feel I mostly broke the habit of smoking, at which point giving up nicotine wasn't difficult at all.
I realize that doesn't totally address the "What could I do instead" part of the question, but it might help in the process of quitting. Best of luck to you.
But from my personal perspective, I didn't "quit" until I really wanted to. I also give myself the opportunity to make mistakes.
I don't buy cigarettes anymore. I rarely even want one. But if I'm in a situation where it sounds nice, I'll let myself indulge.
Basically, don't "quit". Just tone it down, find things to keep yourself busy, and eventually it will lose its power. If you have to have one, do it, but don't let the thought of it consume you.
Another thing that helped was sports, I started playing squash. I tried to be in better cardiovascular health to play squash, another motivation. Maybe you can pickup something (gym, any sport or anything physical)if you are not already doing that.
Do you see what you're doing here? Smoking is at the center of your universe. There is NO WAY you will quit an addiction like smoking until you refuse to even acknowledge its existence.
Get rid of your thinking first, then you'll easily get rid of the addiction.
FYI: I smoked for 10 years before I quit. That was 10 years ago.