My apprehension is more about finding a good quality source than about the actual legality. Given that so much MDMA is cut with meth, and that I have pretty hardcore social anxiety problems, I don't want to have to look around for a good source. I want the benefits of quality control that a legitimate market would bring.

Also, the monitored usage thing is more about finding someone capable of guiding me to talking about various traumas and stuff that trigger me in my day-to-day life. I've had bad experiences in the past of being the person to guide someone when trying to deal with their own demons, and have triggered my own in the process. I want someone I can trust, but is a relative neutral third party, who I can trust to guide me and help start to heal some deep-seated wounds. This is hard given the current framework, and something I do deeply want to help with my own healing process.