I suspect this creates a dangerous forcing function such that you're designing a product for people who are already strongly committed (by paying a lot of money) and don't really care about what it looks like (because there are entire teams allocated to hack on it, often directly via the API).
Shameless plug: I built https://briefmetrics.com/, it emails you weekly summaries of your Google Analytics so you don't have to navigate the UI. :)
Oh, also check out the official GA mobile app, it's actually a fair bit easier to navigate than the web interface.
Engineering/Management don't really do much to teach you how to structure/query data, so perhaps that's why.
What in particular would you change though? Which metrics do you want to see at a glance which are buried, which things would you like to see on an overall dashboard? It's easy to say something is confusing, but far harder to come up with specific recommendations in order to make it better. This is an area which interests me so I'm genuinely interested in your response.
I guess I just want to know about how much traffic I am getting everyday, where its coming from, what users are doing when they arrive on the site, and when they leave. I wish I had better ways to explain that.
Comparing a data warehouse tool to a picture editor doesn't lead to any useful insights. The use cases are completely different and the complexities are different animals.